BY: KEZIA ROYER-BURKETT
I’m a part of a fascinating WhatsApp group chat with many very interesting, entertaining and at times intriguing characters, and personalities, with various backgrounds, ethnicities, and gender. We talk about different topics and share our personal lives, we’ve become like a little family. A question that was recently brought up in the group chat was can you be dishonest and still in love? Majority of the group chat said yes and the one that said no, after very little convincing changed her answer to yes. Because we have all lied to our parents, children, partners, etc. and can still without a shadow of a doubt know that we love them. In the group chat, we decided to take the question one step further and discussed when it was okay, or justifiable dishonesty within a romantic relationship.
Based on conversations I have had with different individuals I have compiled a list of seven justifiable reasons/excuses to be dishonest in a romantic relationship. 1) If you feel as though your partner is not giving you the same attention they have in the past or you feel a lack of interest from your partner. I had multiple conversations and some personal experience, and I agree, I think a lot of people cheat or are dishonest when they feel lack of appreciation, interest, and attention. Whether it’s a woman or a man, both sexes have communicated that this is probably the most common reason people are dishonest in romantic relationships. Reason/ excuse number 2) Lack of connection and growing apart. We all know relationships like anything else in life change over time, people grow apart, change their goals or expectations and perspective on life and realize through the changes and growth that their partner either didn’t improve and develop with them or changed and grew in a different direction. The third reason people feel it is justifiable to be dishonest to their partner is 3) If their partner is being dishonest with them or has been dishonest in the past. Number three is like an eye for an eye type of scenario that people use to justify their actions. Number 4) While in a romantic relationship you happen to fall in love with someone else unplanned. This reason to be dishonest can be used for a plethora of scenarios because essentially the dishonesty is stemmed from the fact that you don’t want to hurt the person you are in a romantic relationship with. It’s never easy telling harsh truths like the fact that you’ve fallen in love with someone else all while in a relationship. The fifth reason which could be related to all the all the reasons in this list is 5) the consequences that may take place for telling the truth. Telling the truth is always ideal in theory but in reality, honesty can sometimes come with very harsh outcomes and the results of telling the truth may not be favourable so generally, people avoid being one hundred percent honest to prevent conflict. As well as to avoid reason 6) the consequences of ending the relationship. Legal relationships like marriage or common-law relationships can have adverse financial and emotional outcomes when it comes time to end the relationship. No one purposely wants to put themselves in a difficult situation so many people lie to themselves as well as their partners just to attempt to avoid telling the truth and facing the consequences that may come with telling the truth. The seventh and last reason on this list but not the last reason/ excuse people are dishonest in relationships is they are afraid of the negative perspective people, or their partner might view them in. Most people want others to view them in a particular light; they only want people to see the good aspects of themselves and never the negative ones. The self-image preservation mindset is another very popular reason/excuse that people are dishonest within romantic relationships.
Society says honesty is the best policy, yet we live in a society where that is just a saying and not a reality. I believe as I mentioned before that honesty is the best policy, but I do also think that we have not been adequately taught how to be honest and how to receive others honesty. Society standards hold individual’s behaviour accountable based on a standard perspective that is unattainable and unrealistic. There is no such thing as perfection if we fully grasp that concept, only then can we whole heartily accept and live in honesty and truth. Now that I shared my list of seven reasons people are dishonest in romantic relationships, I would like to hear your stories on scenarios where you felt like you had no choice but to be dishonest in your relationship. Email me at Kezia@carib101.com and share your story and I may post it in the next article.