BY: KEZIA ROYER-BURKETT
We are about to head into the New Year 2018, and I thought I would make a Public Service Announcement to everyone out there that is looking to begin a relationship. “Netflix and Chill” have become very popular and a big joke on social media, but people need to be aware that sitting on a couch and watching Netflix is NOT considered a date. After I had my son and was ready to date again, ready to put myself out there and get to know men, I discovered alarming changes had taken place since I had last dated. Instead of potential suitors asking me out on a dinner date, to the movies, or out for coffee or drinks, men were asking me if they could come over to my house or if I could come over to their house to “chill.” I am all for hanging out and being comfortable and chilling, but on a first date I thought to go to someone’s house was very strange. I understand men have to take on the expenses when it comes to dating, well good men do, but that is part of being a man. I realized very quickly the dating world hadn’t changed, but the type of men I was attracting had seemed to change. I realized that men that asked to “chill” were men that were not looking for a serious committed relationship, but a causal relationship to pass the time and they were not willing to financially or emotionally invest because commitment and longevity were not that they were searching for.
When I was in my twenties, I went on a lot of dates, and a majority of the dates I knew I was not interested in the guy, I just wanted to hang out and eat free food. So maybe my tactics in my twenties and other women like me may have contributed to the issue of men becoming overly cautious of who they take on dates. Or maybe men feel that they are liberating themselves from the social constraints of the one being responsible for paying the bill. But I think that when two people are interested in getting to know each other to eventually enter into a committed romantic relationship, initially spending time outside of each other’s house is key. And when I think about it, on the first couple of dates people want to put their best selves forward. So, they put extra effort into how they look, and I am not interested in dressing cute, doing my make-up and my hair to just sit on someone’s couch. I can do that at home effortlessly. The ongoing joke of what Netflix and Chill can lead to is funny because it has truthful possibilities to it. Sex normally stems from Netflix and Chill, and now you automatically start to feel connected to a person you have no idea who they are, if they are a good match for you or if they are even interested in a committed relationship. Developing a physical relationship before the emotional and mental relationship has had a chance to bloom can be detrimental.
As much as we live in a modern world, with modern values we have to remember the foundational facts about sex. Sex physically and spiritually connects two individuals, people forget about the spiritual aspects of sex and focus on the physical. But we must always keep in mind we as humans are two parts, we are flesh, and we are a spirit, so if you physically have someone in your body or if you physically enter into another person’s body through a sexual act, you have automatically connected yourself spiritually to them.
Netflix and Chill can be fun quality time spent between partners once a foundation of a relationship has been built. The investment of time to get to know each other and figure out each other’s intentions has already been established, and now you can “chill.” Netflix and Chill also can’t be a band-aid for committed relationship date nights. Even after a committed relationship has been established, more time and effort needs to be invested in maintaining and growing the partnership. Even in long-term committed relationships, you still need to “date” your partner. So, establishing good dating techniques from the beginning will help the relationship long term.
Do you have a story about a guy who insisted on Netflix and Chill instead of taking you on a date and courting you? Are you a man and have a different perspective on why men suggest Netflix and Chill as opposed to a traditional dinner date? If so, please e-mail me at Kezia@carib101.com, and I will answer any questions you may have and share your stories through the column. As Always Love and Light to all my readers.