Infidelity; A Topic Worth Discussing

BY: SIMONE JENNIFER SMITH 

I had an interesting conversation with a gentleman the other day about his relationship. This conversation had originally sparked from a group conversation about infidelity. The question was, is it possible to get everything from one person, and if not, is there a way to have everything but not hurt the person that you are with?

I became highly aroused by this conversation because I have not only been cheated on in my relationships but in my past, I have also cheated. Not many people are willing to admit this because they want to keep up a squeaky clean image. I find this attempt futile because let’s be real; infidelity happens regularly and is responded to differently depending on where you live in the world. Let’s take a look at some facts; monogamy was implemented as a Western practice by the Christian church. Before this practice, polygamy was the accepted norm; over the years, monogamy has become seen as the normal form of romantic interactions, even though truthfully, it does not truly seem to be working. When researching for this article, I reviewed some studies to see what the reasons for divorce were; as you can suspect the number one reason in all the studies was infidelity. My question is; if infidelity is the reason that people continue to get divorced, is there another way to tackle dealing with why we feel the need to step out of our relationships? Is there a way to save couples, where one spouse is feeling the pain of being betrayed? I thought that I would take a look at relationship standards around the world to shed some light on this topic.

One issue that made it difficult to gather international sex-statistics is that in some places, it depends on who you do it with that determines infidelity. In some countries, if a man or woman engages with a sex worker, it is not considered cheating, while in others it depends on what is done in the act of cheating. Some folks believe that oral sex is just fine, while others will end their relationships over a sent message on Facebook or other popular social media platforms.

Another topic that we have to take into consideration is the standards that are held for men and women when it comes to infidelity. They are different and this cannot be denied. It is more acceptable for a man to do it, and usually when we hear that someone is going through a separation, one of our first thoughts is, “I wonder if he cheated on her?” Reality is that women are just as capable of cheating as men are; if anything we are much better at it because we have the ability to cover our tracks better. Take the fact that a man is called a dog when he cheats, and this is an acceptable term. When a woman cheats, there a more derogatory words given to her that include: mistress, side-chick, home wrecker, and the list goes on.

In different parts of the world, the terminology assigned to infidelity puts a different spin on the act. In Nigeria, the term “sexual networking” is preferred, while the French keep it self-explanatory with “simultaneous multi-partnerships”. The French Institute for Public Opinion recently did a study on affairs; they concluded that North Americans would rather get a divorce post affair, whereas, in France, it is perfectly fine to continue to have multiple partners. Different cultures regard infidelity in their own way, and it seems to work for them.

I believe that people need to take responsibility for their actions and communicate their thoughts and feelings. People try to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, and this is why many relationships end with devastating results. There has to be another way; Toronto, I put this question out to you, can we find a way to have everything we want and not hurt the people we love?