It’s 2020; what agreements have you made with yourself? Part 2

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

“Don’t take things personally.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz | Janet Mills – The Four Agreements for a Better Life

• “You are so useless!”
• “You are going to amount to nothing!”
• “Why do you look like that?”
• “Do you always have to do that?

It is very difficult not to take statements like this personally, especially if these statements are being directed at you. I will be honest; this is one agreement that I struggle with. I don’t feel bad about it because I know that I am not the only one.

This year, one of my initiatives is to work more on evolving myself. I think that when it comes to self-development, I am okay, but there is always room for improvement. One thing that I have learned in my time is that a better me, is a better you. A better you is a better tomorrow. So, this means that I have to continue to learn from those who came before and pass that knowledge on to you.

They say when the student is ready; the teacher will appear. Well, Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, “The Four Agreements for a Better Life,” came along exactly when I needed it. I feel that although I have done well, it seemed that I had plateaued. Reading this book has allowed me to see what I need to do to take it to the next level, and I most definitely recommend it to you. For now, I thought I would give you a summary of his lessons, and let you delve into it further if you want to.

Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

 I had never thought about it like that. EGO. Ego seems to be the downfall of many. When we take this personally, we make it about us. When you really look at it, it is the other person. We have to remember that people speak, and behave according to their own individual scripts, and although we might be part of their cast, they have picked you to play a certain role.

 Whatever is going on in their lives is projected from them, kind of like a projector showing a movie on a blank screen. The screen does not produce the pictures; it is the projector that puts the pictures on the screen. This is exactly how humans act; like projectors. We have pictures made up of our own schemas, philosophies, beliefs, attitudes, and each and everyday we go out into the world and project these schemas, philosophies, beliefs and attitudes on everyone we meet. This is why we can’t take things personally. We have no idea what is happening behind the eyes of the projector.

 But what do we do? We take it personally, not realizing that what they are experiencing is from the inside out, not the outside in. Even when people are saying positive things to you like:

• “You wrote a really good article!”
• “I really like your car!”
• “Your nails look fierce!”

All of these thoughts are coming from what they think looks good, not because you are an incredible writer, you choose your car, or your nail technician did a bang up job on your nails.

I know! It is kind of hard to take in, but completely necessary.

HOMEWORK!
For the next couple of weeks, I want you to notice all critique that is projected in your direction, and really try to separate yourself from the critique good or bad. One way to do so is when you hear it; say to yourself, “It is not about me, it is about them.” Make this practice until it becomes habit. Just like that, you will learn to detach yourself from the thoughts and beliefs of others. Very powerful! Let me know how it goes!