Lola Fayola – Listening, learning from and honour her fears

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

Women empowerment has become one of the biggest movements in North America and African women living in the diaspora have proven to be the building blocks of the movement. With their passion for their work, resistance to mediocrity, and sure-fire way of turning heads when they walk in a room, African women are doing it in every way!

The fierceness of historical greats like: Queen Amina (North African Hausa people), Ana Nzinga of Mbande Ndogo, Nanny of the Maroons, and Shirley Chilsom, only go to show that their power is not new. I myself take a lot of inspiration from these empowering women; they changed the world, because they were not willing to let others define them, their roles in society and what they could or could not do.

Our Woman Empowered feature has always been about women who, despite several obstacles, have redefined and transformed their lives. One of the many things that I found incredibly intriguing about our featured Woman Empowered was her ability to see the positive in any situation, no matter how painful.

She has gone through a metamorphosis, turning her into an evolved version of herself that threatens the foundation of everything that she once thought of herself. Her emergence from the chrysalis reflects her realization of the constraints that were placed on her as an African-Caribbean woman living in the Western world. She has reclaimed her identity and sense of self, and the only question I had for her was, “How did she do this?”

Lola Fayola was born in Toronto, Ontario, and raised in the city of Rexdale. She went to school there until grade four. She grew up with an older brother and sister, and she remembers moving to Brampton was a huge transition for her family, and it jolted her reality.

“It was a huge transition for me. All I could think about was my life in Rexdale, the fun times you know. Then all of a sudden I was in the boonies. I asked to sleep over at my friend’s house every weekend. I eventually got used to Brampton, and I eventually stopped going to Rexdale, well definitely not as often.”

As a child, Lola was always described as charismatic, trendy, and bold. She loved beauty, arts and entertainment.

“I told my parents I was going to be a doctor and own a hair salon. I also love dancing. I would be the choreographer for routines when my cousins came over. Entertainment was my passion. I used to do ballet, I did a little hip-hop, and I did a little African dancing. I did modelling as well. I would sing at events around the city. When I hit high school, everything changed. I became too cool for that. The one thing I did pursue was cosmetology.”

I had my first son when I was 20 years old, and although it was challenging I had to make sure that I finished high school; I wanted my son to understand the importance of school.

Throughout this time, I naturally was getting involved in relationships, and not ones that were necessarily good for me. I had to endure an emotionally abusive relationship, and I made some bad decisions when it came to men. I sometimes struggled with this, because I watched my parents have a beautiful, healthy relationship, yet it was a challenge for me. This wore on me, and deeply affected me. 

During all of this chaos, I had two more children, and I was still pursuing the work that I did as a cosmetologist, but this was not enough for me.”

Lola did something that is difficult for many people to do, move past her limiting beliefs, those assumptions that she had developed about herself that affected how she saw and felt about who she was, her abilities, and how she fit into the world. She also had to move past her attachment to these ideas about herself, the ones that could have held her back from making progress, taking action, and living her fullest life. That said she wanted more.

“I started working part time at a medical office, and then I began to work on building my own business. For six months, I worked quietly setting up “Lash Bar,” and in 2015, I opened my first storefront “Lash Lab Plus Inc.” Things were going well, and then the pandemic hit. Like many small businesses, I had to close. I had to move everything online, and started branding my own makeup and my own products.

I also started “Lingering Stilettos” to empower women. It is hard to walk away from toxic relationships, and I wanted women to embrace themselves. I wanted women to be able to express their sensuality and accept their entire beings. I want women to be in tune with every inch of their bodies. My adage is ‘Curves laced in lingerie, soles (souls) love making in stilettos.’ #loveherintimacy. Women know their beauty regardless of size, colour, and shape; it is about loving you and embodying love.”

Lola had found her groove, but there was still something missing; entertainment was in my blood, and for some reason, it had not left her.

“I felt like I had accomplished a lot of what I had set out to do, I realized I had to return to what I love.

Lola Lashade Lifestyle started during the pandemic. I needed to find a way to break into the arts and entertainment world. I had already been doing it quietly, but I wanted to really bring this side back out of me. It was time to create my own platform, so I met this gentleman (MC Afro), and we just clicked. He was a gate opener to this world. He helped me meet the right people and has taken the time to show me the ropes. I now have my podcast called Lola Lashade Lifestyle on AfroLive FM. I just launched October 5^th, and it airs every Wednesday 7:00 pm – 8:30 pm.

My experience of creating is far different, much more enjoyable then I originally imagined, and I feel nourished and enlivened by it. Fear is part of the human experience, and our culture teaches us to push away, deny, run away from, and fight our fears. I’ve learned to listen, learn from and honour my fears. They have allowed me to tap into a source of wisdom and power that I never knew that I had.”