Was I ready for what was coming next? Reliving my past trauma

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

I stood there frustrated!

The gentleman behind the desk was having a great day, and I, on the other hand, was not. Him and that woman chuckled and laughed, enjoying their workday, while I was biting my lip till it bled.

They were finishing the paperwork that would insert me into one of the most life changing experiences in my life. If you are just joining us, I am sharing the story about this one time when I ended up in prison in Panama. Yeah! Long story. You will have to go back to the last few editions to catch up.

As I stood there, my mind found ways to calm itself down. The beauty of this place could not be denied. The office looked like it was in the middle of a courtyard, and at the peak of the buildings were these beautiful, immense trees that had beautiful flowers growing from it. The sun was shining bright, and there was a slight wind. It was a beautiful day. Could I blame these employees for enjoying their day? Of course not!

A prison guard came over to me and stood by my luggage. He spoke to the man behind the desk, and they both looked at my bags. The man turned to me and in broken English explained,

“Take out a few clothes. The rest of your stuff is going to get locked up in our storage room. Take your toiletries, some casual clothes, and your feminine products.”

Until he had said that, I didn’t even think of it. I was going to be here, get my period, and I didn’t have any feminine napkins. I nodded my head and opened up my suitcase. As I looked through it, my thoughts ran on the fact that all I had was vacation wear. What the hell was I going to pick out to wear in a prison? The fact that I had a choice blew my mind.

I picked out a pair of my favourite jeans, a pair of jean shorts, some tights, a couple casual shirts (where was I going), and three pairs of shoes: slippers, sneakers, and my dressy Guess sandals. I had about four Somali nightgowns (Bati), so I took those. I knew they would come in handy. One thing I can say about myself is that regardless of my life circumstance, I will always show up.

This is a lesson that I learned from my dad. He always told me that whenever you leave the house, you have to always look good. You never know whom you could meet.

I placed my clothes in my smaller bag and zipped up the suitcase. The guard took my suitcase, and it pained me to see it go. I stood there with my bag, feeling very alone.
“Simone!”

I was shocked to hear my name. I turned around and saw this beautiful young lady walking towards me. She was wearing a white t-shirt and blue jeans. Her dark skin glowed and radiated; her smiling face set me at peace immediately. As she walked towards me, I took in her locks, which were wrapped up on top of her head. Pulled back from her face, you could see her beautiful cheekbones, and her full, dark eyes.

“Hola,” she said to the man behind the desk. They exchanged dialogue for a few moments, and then she turned back to me.

“How are you Simone? My name is Angella. I am what you would call the welcome team.” Her smile was so brilliant. I warmed to her immediately.

“I am okay. As good as anyone can be in this situation. Nice to meet you Angella.”

She nodded knowingly.

“I hear you! Don’t worry. There are some really nice people here. We will help you adjust. Are you ready to go Simone?” She gestured to the hallway that led to my new home.

That was a great question. Was I ready?