Will you continue to embrace the false belief of Black people not needing therapy?

BY TRISHA SMITH

“I’m not telling any White people my business!”

This was my response to my aunt after a year of being in an abusive relationship in my early 20’s. I didn’t know where that response came from, or why I said it, all I knew was that Black people didn’t go to therapy, it was a “White people” thing. I knew I would either get laughed at or frowned upon by my peers, and that was not an option for me.

I was too strong, I thought, I could handle my own problems.

It’s done and gone so I’ll be all right.

Little did I know, those two years of trauma shaped the next 10 years of my life, and it wasn’t for the better. It wasn’t until I talked to a professional that I realized how this trauma forced me into a bitter cocoon for the better half of my life.

So why did it take me so long to seek help?

Where did this notion come from that Caribbeans don’t go to therapy?

When was living with unhealed trauma a positive thing?

Here are some reasons why Black people don’t do therapy.

The Caribbean has a long history of slavery, colonization and oppression. Our hardship as a people has washed us into a tunnel of self-reliance and a reluctance to seek outside help. We have developed this “figure it out yourself,” attitude, because asking for help would expose a sign of weakness and we are anything but weak! Right? I mean, in the Black family, a male child is not even allowed to cry. Any expression of emotion is deemed “soft” and is followed by ridicule and a push to “man up.” This leaves our Black boys imprisoned by their own feelings that they’ve been taught at a young age to suppress. Why would they now, as adults, feel that it’s ok to express those bottled-up emotions to a perfect stranger?

The lack of access and understanding about mental health has also left many to believe false notions. It is thought that things like depression, anxiety and sadness is just a normal part of life that doesn’t need to be addressed. Many growing up in poverty-stricken neighbourhoods aren’t worried about their depression, they are more concerned about providing for their family or dodging violence.

The answer to this is usually God. “Go read your bible and pray,” my mom would always say if she saw that I was feeling down. Leaning in on a higher power and reading holy books can definitely bring comfort in times of despair, but I also feel that must be coupled with professional help to get to the heart of the problem. I know many religious folk who are depressed and feeling just as hopeless as anybody else, but they are bound to the bible, and they feel it is their only solution.

Would you enjoy being called, “So-and-so’s crazy child,” in your tight knit community? Like all other cultures, we are not exempt from gossip. Nobody wants to be the one to bring shame or negative attention to the family, so troubles are kept in the home and outside help is refused. This is a dangerous and prideful way of living, as many people in the islands deemed “crazy” on the road only need the proper attention to get the help they require.

Have you ever thought about how many people live and leave this world in sadness? Feeling unfulfilled and unaccomplished? Pondering the pain that life’s experiences have dished out can leave a bad taste in anybody’s mouth. Nobody in this world is exempt from trying times, so how we deal with it will be the determining factor of our overall well-being and mental health.

When we: learn to laugh in the face of stigmas, release old paradigms that no longer serve us and begin to afford ourselves the grace we deserve, then can we begin to see a clear path to inner peace and healing.

I speak from experience when I say that counselling helped me release a lot of trauma; it peeled away the layers of the cocoon I had built around my heart and soul. Therapy is a safe, non-judgemental place where you are encouraged to be vulnerable and release your worries and stress. Many of us want to fill our cups of life with wealth, happiness and freedom but our cups are dirty and filled with pain, resentment and anger. We must all empty them first of what no longer serves us to make room for what we truly want. Will you continue to embrace the false belief of Black people not needing therapy? What steps towards your personal development are courageous enough to take so you can live your best life?