A look at relationships and dating during the Pandemic; 7 Questions to ask your prospective partner

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

While many families have enjoyed spending more time together during the pandemic, there are some relationships that have failed to thrive during a period of unprecedented upheavals and uncertainties. There are the arguments over Covid rules and restrictions to disagreements over whether children should be vaccinated and even disputes between families and friends over the very existence of the virus. All of this has pushed relationships to a breaking point during the pandemic.

People have been cooped up with their partners for months on end, shining a spotlight on both the strengths and weaknesses of their relationships. The increase in divorce is being attributed to couples having to work from home and spend more time together. Now of course, the underlying conflicts and marital issues are harder to overlook.

According to a research study “COVID-19 pandemic: influence of relationship status on stress, anxiety, and depression in Canada” “(https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33441201/) relationship status during the COVID-19 pandemic has had an influence on the mental health of individuals. What this has done is open up the dating market to a new group of people who are navigating the murky waters of dating during the time of the coronavirus, or riding it out on their own.

With Valentine’s Day coming up it is putting these issues into even sharper focus for many people. Valentine’s Day seems to have lost its lustre for most people during the pandemic, and this may have put you in a funk, especially if you are dealing with lost love, moving on from a traumatic relationship, or doubting if you are ever going to experience love again.

We may want to deny it, but many of us think that the best way to solve our problems is to find someone new to love. The seduction of new love is powerful and for good reason. Our mood seems to improve when someone new walks into our lives, especially if you have been by yourself for a while. That honeymoon stage is all about learning everything that you can about the new person, and you are motivated to win that person’s heart.

We think things will be different with them, that things will be better. Yet, as things begin to progress, issues begin to pop up, and here you are again, alone!

What we don’t realize is that the cycle of relationships is just another pattern that we as humans are drawn to. Without a significant other by our side, we can often feel lost or incomplete.

So how do you change these patterns? How do you do things differently this time around?

Breathe!

Take time to process where you are in your life. Look at what you want, and begin to set up realistic dating goals for yourself. Once you have done that, and you have found that person who seems to set your soul on fire, this is when you start setting the foundation of what will be a wonderful relationship, and you do this through the art of communication.

It is at the beginning of relationships that we miss finding out what we need to know about our prospective partners. It is during this time that asking the right questions can help you decide if this person is for you or not.

Her are some perspective question you can ask if you are face to face with a prospective partner and if asked of you, to be answered with naked honesty:

• What models did you have for loving relationships when you were growing up?
• What did you learn from them and what did you learn from those that weren’t healthy?
• What did you learn about self-love?
• How was love expressed in your childhood?
• If you were a survivor of abuse, how have you done your healing work?

• If addiction was present in your family, how has it impacted on you?
• How do you want your relationship to mirror that of your parents and how do you want it to differ?

I would suggest that you pace yourself with these questions. Don’t ask them all at the same time because they are very heavy, but necessary. It can be difficult navigating this new dating space, but know that communication is key, and establishing a solid foundation will help to sustain a lasting, loving relationship.