BY SIMONE J. SMITH

I sat in the steam room and reflected on my meeting with M. “He is so damn short,” I said to myself. He was no more than 5’2, tiny, but he did have a nice body. There was no way that I would ever get involved with someone who was 5’2. I shook my head. This was not the point; I was here because he said that he wanted to work with me, not date me. I had to keep my head on straight, but the way he looked at me, spoke to me.

I snapped out of my thoughts and went to take a shower. After getting dressed I joined M outside. He was waiting by the door on his phone. When he saw me, this scintillating smile flashed on his face.

“Hey Sim! I thought you might be a little hungry after our workout. Let’s go grab something to eat up the street. We can talk about the work that I would like for you to do.”

I was hesitant, but I thought to myself, what is the harm? I was hungry, and if he was buying, I would let him.

“Sure why not! You owe me after nearly killing me out there.”

M laughed and took my bag from me. “Let’s go Sim!”

He waved at the staff and we headed out.

We found a restaurant up the street, not too far from the gym. After we had been seated, the discussions just happened. We talked about everything. Family, where he was born, children. We had a lot in common, especially our love for Detroit. He had been born and raised there, and I had lived in Windsor on and off for 10 years. Some of my fondest memories were those years in Windsor, going to Detroit, working in Detroit, learning in Detroit.

Before I knew it, we had been talking for about three hours. I was four beers in and stuffed from my fish and chips. I looked at the time.

“What are your plans for tomorrow Sim,” M asked?

“Well, I am on my grind right now. I have had a rough few months, and I am trying to get my footing back. This is why we are here; you shared that you want me to help you with your work?”

“Well before we go there,” M replied, “Tell me what has been going on lately?”

I looked down and fought back tears. I wasn’t ready to speak on my recent calamities.

“Sim, it’s okay. Trust me! I have gone through a lot the last few years, and I know what it is like to shut down. Talk to me; sometimes you just have to get it out.”

His invitation to share moved me; I looked up at him and he was sitting there, looking at me. His calmness opened me like a flower, and I started to speak. I told him everything about Panama, my relationship with D, how badly things had been going in my relationship. Once the floodgates were open I couldn’t stop talking. After another hour I finally relented. I sat there quietly, mentally kicking myself for over-sharing.

“Sim,” M said after a few moments of silence. “We are more alike than you think. You see, there is a reason why I reached out to you. You are a beautiful soul, and it is hard to find people to relate to.”

M then started to share his story with me. He also had been in prison, and charged for the same things that I had been accused of. I listened keenly as he told me the experience, soaking up the fact that someone else got me, and understood what I had been going through. The shame. The need to hate myself for what I had done, the pain I had caused my parents, finally someone innerstood me.

We talked until the restaurant closed. It had to be one of the most impactful nights for me since I had gotten out of Panama. I felt seen.

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

I will never forget the first time that I met M. He had asked me to meet him at a gym that he was training at down in the North York area. I remember being excited getting ready to go down there. I wasn’t sure why, but when I looked at the picture on LinkedIn, I was quickly made aware.

That skin…

Those lips…

Famous last words; shake my head.

When I arrived at the gym, I parked the car, and gave him a call as he had instructed.

“I’m here!”

“Amazing! I am coming out to get you. Are you dressed to work out?”

It wasn’t until right then that I realized that he had an accent. Was he American? Something about the slight twang in his voice made me nostalgic.

“I am dressed. I am coming in. Do I have to say anything to the person at the front desk?”

“Nah! I am coming out to get you.”

I turned off the car and grabbed my gym bag. Naturally, I had put on my tightest pair of tights, and one of my favourite crop tops. Not exactly a workout outfit, but I had no problem getting sweaty in this.

I made my way towards the door, opened it up, and stepped inside.

The gym was buzzing with noise; weights clanging, music playing, people chatting loudly. I looked around for M, but didn’t see him.

“Hey Simone!”

I turned around and standing in front of me was that handsome face, the beautiful skin, and those big, beautiful lips, on the shortest man I had ever seen. I tried not to make a face, but I don’t know if I held my surprise. The picture on LinkedIn must have been taken from a low angle, because he did not look short in the picture. He could not be more than 4’2. He actually was 4’2. Imagine how it looked with me standing in front of him at 5’9.

“Hey Simone!”

I realized that I had not responded.

“Hello M. Nice to meet you.” I couldn’t stop staring at the top of his head.

“You ready for a workout. I want to show you what I can do for you, and maybe you can help me. You are here to help aren’t you,” he said with a smirk?

I had to laugh. “Direct me to the change room, and I will be right out to help you help me.”

“Head to the back of the gym. The women’s locker room is on the left-hand side. I will be waiting for you.”

I made my way back smiling to myself. What was this little man going to show me? I was pretty athletic and had been working out for a few years. As I changed my clothes, I reflected on the fact that I had assumed he was tall. That was my own fault. I couldn’t blame him for his height. Plus, this was business. Nothing else. I looked in the mirror; “Alright Simone. Let’s do this.”

OMG!

The workout with M nearly killed me. He showed me a few simple things, and honestly it nearly killed me. After 45 minutes he had me sweating and on the floor.

“Wow M! That was amazing. I was here thinking that I was in shape. You definitely showed me,” I said laughing.

“Hey, don’t let my size fool you. I have made bigger men than you cry after working out with me. Go ahead and shower up. Let’s grab something to eat. Put some fuel in your body.”

“Nothing would be better.” M helped me off the floor and I headed back into the change room to get ready.

Well, that was certainly interesting. He had completely caught me off guard. That would not be the first or last time M did that.

Things were about to get interesting, and not in a good way…

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

The funniest part of my trip was when I got to the border. I drove up, wondering how I was going to tell the custom officer that the only thing that I was bringing back was $100.00 worth of snacks and treats.

I should have been worried about how difficult it would be to cross the border, instead of what I was going to tell them, but my thoughts were scattered; can you blame me.

When I pulled up, the officer opened the window,

“Citizenship Miss?”

“Canadian.”

He reached for my passport, and I handed him the paperwork from Mark’s office. He reviewed them quickly and looked up at me.

“Do you have anything to declare?”

“Yes.” I paused, and then I picked up the bag from my seat. “I have a whole lot of candy sir.”

He started laughing. “I get it, trust me. When I cross the border, I usually pick up all of my junk food too. Have a good day Miss.”

“Thank you,” I said, relieved. I smiled to myself and drove off.

The drive home was smooth, and as usual, I did a lot of thinking. I decided to drive straight to my boyfriend’s house, because I needed a break from home. I knew that if I went home, my mom would be asking me a million and one questions, and I was not in the mood.

I have not spoken about my relationship with David for a minute, and for good reason. Things with him were not good. When I look back at things now, I realize that I should have given him his space to process everything. Since I had been back, he had shared just how difficult it had been for him. It was one of the reasons why he had been so upset with me when I got back.

Although we hung out together still, there was a noticeable difference in how he treated me. The loving, sweet person that I knew was gone. A sullen, quiet man who at times was sweet to me, but at times was very dark, secretive replaced him.

When I got to David’s house, I had to wait downstairs. He was out running errands, so I took the time to reflect on the day. I realized how anxious I had been because the ache that I had felt earlier in the day was gone. I was a little hungry, so I decided to head over to the mall that was located close to David’s house. I figured instead of waiting in the car, I would head there.

He still had not given me back keys to his house, which shows you where his mind was. I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that he had lost respect for me, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I had ended up in prison, or if it was his thoughts about what he believed he had seen on the phone. Regardless, being around him felt different; almost like being around a stranger.

My phone rang and snapped me out of my thoughts. It was David.

“Hey,” I answered. “Are you home yet? I am over by the mall grabbing a bite to eat, did you want anything.”

“No, I am good. I will be home in about 20 minutes. You can meet me there.”

Maybe I was oversensitive that day, because I sensed something in his voice.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes! Just had a long day. Pick me up something, it doesn’t matter what. I am hungry and it has been a long day. See you later.”

“Okay, I love….

Click.

He hung up the phone, and I sat there looking at the screen. I knew in my head that it was over, but denial is a real thing. I should have left him alone, but the heart wants what it wants.