Being bullied? What to do

Author: Norma Nicholson

Is your head in the sand because you are an exceptionally talented teen and experiencing bullying at school? You wish that you knew how to resolve this situation.

At this time, you are not rushing out to school as you did a year ago when you transitioned from middle school to high school. You have been experiencing verbal aggression from one of your classmates. He belittles you and calls you dumb when you are both in groups. It is extremely upsetting and hard to deal with. You ignore this, but it is making you angry on the inside. You are feeling intimidated, hurt and being dominated by one of your peers.

You probably feel stuck between wanting to handle the situation on your own and wanting to share the experience with your parents. It takes realization, some self-discovery and a sprinkle of compassion and patience with yourself to know that there are situations in life that can be resolved more effectively when you discuss them with someone you trust.

Becoming a target is not your fault, and never will be, no matter how you look at the situation. Some bullies learn their behaviour because they believe that a White person is superior to Blacks. Some students bully others because they are racist, or even to obtain extra attention from their friends when they feel they are not getting enough.

When you allow yourself to be bullied without intervention to stop this behaviour, you could suffer socially, emotionally, and physically. Some of your thoughts may be:

• I am afraid things will get worse if I were to tell someone, and the bully finds out.
• I am embarrassed by the situation and have not addressed it.
• I am concerned that I may be threatened to keep quiet.
• If I tell my classroom teacher, he won’t believe me because he sees me as a strong, gifted student who would not put up with nonsense.

As difficult as it might be, it is always the right thing to talk to someone about this situation. It is a no-brainer that racism affects Black children, and researchers have demonstrated that it is partially a socially transmitted disease. A bullying situation needs to be addressed before it impacts one’s life in negative ways.

Share your story with your parents; what it has been like in groups at your school. If you have not had a meaningful discussion about racism, now is the ideal time to begin. Really try to leave your emotions aside. Parents must remember that teens are still forming their own set of values. It is better to listen and ask questions rather than tell them what to do. Remember to refrain from talking in generalities about White people as all racists. Reminder that there are allies even when it seems there are many whose actions convey deep racism.

The conversation occurred at home, and you and your parents have decided that the bullying must stop. It is possible to do this with a concerted effort from you, your parents and the cooperation of the school’s administrator.

Document the concerns and issues about being bullied at school by a peer. Provide clear examples of the negative behaviour and state how you would like to be treated. Your parents will help by scheduling a meeting. The school will also want to follow up with your peer’s parents to facilitate hearing both sides of the issue and facilitate a resolution.

Collaborative actions must bring about change to the bully and the victim. Some adolescents, though seeming strong and bold, have not yet developed the skills to manage the negativity of racism. There are school policies that guide decision-making. Parents are encouraged to listen without judgment and to encourage teens to actively participate in shaping outcomes. This will not be their only experience with racism.

Talking about racism is a series of conversations that parents must have with their children.

Reference: Fievre, M.J. Raising Confident Black Kids: A Comprehensive Guide for Empowering Parents and Teachers of Black Children. Mango Publishing Group, 2020