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A Better Tomorrow

For me; it was the longest night in the world; reliving my past trauma

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

I grabbed what I had, which was a head tie, and I think that I had some type of cleansing solution, either soap or body wash. Since I have been retelling this, I have found that there are parts of the story that I do not remember. I don ‘t know; maybe there are parts of this story that I am repressing.

I had been allowed to bring a towel, which I wrapped around my breasts and midsection. I made my way to the line up that was at least ten people longer than it was three minutes ago. It seemed to move fast. The girls had established a rhythm that I knew I had to learn quickly. This was not the place to do anything that could piss someone off.

I took my place in line, and listened to the chatter, hoping to pick up anything that I recognized. I felt comforted knowing that at least there were people who spoke English. Now, I just had to find them. I had found a couple, so that made me less anxious. I had rounded the corner and was about three girls from the showers. There was so much happening at once, and I was doing my best to adjust to this new routine.

When it was my turn, I walked into the shower stall that was available. It was narrow and dark. There were no lights except for the ones outside. I had no idea how the shower’s floors looked, and to be honest, at that point I didn’t want to know. I turned on the tap, and instinctively knew it was going to be cold. Freezing. I was right.

I quickly did a semi-shower that entailed me quickly splashing myself with water. I knew I couldn’t stay in the shower long, but I also understood why no one would want to. I turned off the water and towelled off. The line was starting to quiet down, and I saw Andrea at the end of it. I walked over to her and she gestured towards her bunk.

“You can dry off and get ready for bed there Simone. We still have to figure out your bedding situation. I think that there are some extra mats for you. Just let me finish bathing, and I will take care of it.”

I shook my head in gratitude. I really appreciated the fact that this woman had decided to take me in under her wing. I have always felt indebted to her, and this is why when I found out two years ago that she had died of cancer, my heart was saddened. I never had the chance to say goodbye and thank her for what she had done. I always wanted her to know how much what she had done meant to me. Thinking about it right now brings tears to my eyes. She was such a special soul.

I went out into the main atrium and saw some girls laying out their mattresses. The mattresses were stacked neatly in a room on the opposite of the kitchen. Each of the mattresses had been pre-prepared; it looks like from the night before.

I leaned on the wall and continued observing the night ritual. Guards had come in and were making their rounds. They checked out the kitchen, and went into each room in the house. I was going to get used to these nightly rounds and how invasive they were. I saw the officers going through some of the girl’s stuff. I wonder what they were looking for: drugs, weapons. I pulled my eyes away from what was going on, and looked towards the doorway hoping to see Andrea come out. I was feeling tired, and wondered if I was going to get any sleep. The girls were laughing and joking around with each other. For them, it was just another night. For me, it was the longest night of my life.

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Written By

We, as humans are guaranteed certain things in life: stressors, taxes, bills and death are the first thoughts that pop to mind. It is not uncommon that many people find a hard time dealing with these daily life stressors, and at times will find themselves losing control over their lives. Simone Jennifer Smith’s great passion is using the gifts that have been given to her, to help educate her clients on how to live meaningful lives. The Hear to Help Team consists of powerfully motivated individuals, who like Simone, see that there is a need in this world; a need for real connection. As the founder and Director of Hear 2 Help, Simone leads a team that goes out into the community day to day, servicing families with their educational, legal and mental health needs.Her dedication shows in her Toronto Caribbean newspaper articles, and in her role as a host on the TCN TV Network.

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