It’s okay to say no

BY DANIEL COLE

Anthony Robbins once said, “No” – it’s a small word that packs a lot of power. It carries with it an invisible force that can make it feel like overly oppressive, or even like a dirty word. We’re often taught that saying “no” is a negative thing, that it hurts those around us and causes us to miss out on new, exciting opportunities. It’s no wonder so many people are uncomfortable saying it

Saying yes to something you don’t want to do prioritizes being polite over being genuine and all those extra yeses will cost you. Saying ‘No’ isn’t easy, but it’s essential. To get started, start with a simple question: “If I don’t do this, will it matter in three weeks, three months, or three years from now?” Putting requests in context can help you determine what’s actually critical.

Anna Taylor has rightly said, “Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” When saying yes becomes your default unconscious response, your chances of succeeding in life are slim. 

We must say “no” to what, in our heart, we don’t want. We must say “no” to opportunities that compromise our values and integrity. We must say “no” to doing things out of obligation, thereby cheating those important to us of the purest expression of our love. We must say “no” to treating ourselves, our health, our needs as not as important as someone else’s. We must say “no.”

In his book, The Success Principle, Jack Canfield wrote, to be successful in achieving your goals and creating your desired lifestyle, you will have to get good at saying no to all of the people and distractions that would otherwise devour you. Successful people know how to say no without feeling guilty. 

In a world where it seems everyone wants a piece of you. Your co-workers want your input on projects that are not your responsibility, your boss wants you to work overtime to finish a report he needs, your sister wants you to take her kids for the weekend, your child’s school wants you to bake four dozen cookies for teacher’s appreciation night, even your pets are clamouring for your attention, the truth is, to create a balance between all these seemingly good responsibilities or requests, you must ensure that you don’t have to let yourself be terrorized by other people’s expectation of you. We suffer under project and productivity overload at work, taking on more than we can comfortably deliver in an unconscious desire to impress others, get ahead.

To be successful you need to focus your time, effort, energy, and resources only on projects, opportunities, and people that give you a huge reward for your efforts. We need to establish boundaries between our personal and professional lives. When we don’t, our work, health, and personal lives suffer. You are going to have to create strong boundaries about what you will and won’t do. Most of us are busy but undisciplined. We are active but not focused. We are moving, but not always in the right direction. Set boundaries and say no to things that don’t add value to your life. 

You don’t have to become the victim of someone else’s lack of organization and poor time management. As Jim Collins once observed, good is the enemy of great. Learn to say no to the good so that you can say yes to the great. Learn to say no to things that compromise your health, no, to activities that compromise your family time, your identity, your values, and integrity.