McLean Hospital ENCORE: Managing Grief and Loss; How best to support someone who is grieving

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

“Give sorrow words…”

Over the pandemic and in its aftermath, countless lives have been irrevocably altered by the loss of loved ones. The weight of these losses has been profound, leaving us to navigate a landscape of grief and sorrow. This period has been devastating, as we grapple with the absence of those who meant so much to us.

Losing a loved one is never easy, and grief is a normal response to loss. It’s not at all unusual for someone in mourning to experience emotions ranging from anguish and fear to anxiety and anger. While there is no single “right” way to manage grief, there are healthy approaches, and most people find that, with time and support, they’re able to move forward with their lives.

There are times that individuals who have lost someone dear to them have great difficulty processing their grief and can even develop a condition known as prolonged grief disorder.

In a McLean Hospital ENCORE: Managing Grief and Loss, Susan Block, MD, provided a guide to understanding and addressing grief and loss, offered tips for how best to support a patient who is grieving, and answered audience questions about healthy coping strategies during bereavement.

Susan Block, MD, is an institute physician in the Department of Psychosocial Oncology and Palliative Care at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and Brigham and Women’s Hospital. She is also a professor of psychiatry and medicine at Harvard Medical School. Dr. Block has been a pioneer in the field of palliative medicine and has helped develop educational programs for medical students, residents, fellows, and faculty.

During her hour- long lecture, she went over the stages of grief, and I want to review those with you now. The five stages of grief, as outlined by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, are:

• Denial: This is the stage where you may refuse to accept the reality of the situation. You might believe that what’s happening is not really happening, or that it’s a mistake. When shock happens, our body literally is rejecting the new reality. It is a type of denial. During these times we need our support systems.
• Anger: As the reality of the loss sets in, you may become angry. This anger can be directed at yourself, at others, or even at the situation, or the person you have lost.
• Bargaining: In this stage, you may try to negotiate with a higher power, or with yourself in an attempt to reverse, or postpone the loss. This can involve making promises, or seeking ways to regain what was lost.
• Depression: As the full weight of the loss is felt, you may experience deep sadness, hopelessness, and a sense of emptiness. This stage is often characterized by withdrawal and a lack of motivation, or interest in activities that were once enjoyable.
• Acceptance: In the final stage, you come to terms with the reality of the loss. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re happy about it, but you have reached a point of understanding and acceptance. You can begin to rebuild your life and find a new sense of purpose or meaning.

In her lecture, Dr. Block reminded us that grieving is deeply personal and unique to each individual. There’s no blueprint, or correct timeline for how one should navigate through loss. Some may express their emotions openly, while others may prefer solitude. What matters most is allowing oneself to feel and process the emotions that come with loss; however, they may manifest. Whether it’s through tears, silence, or even laughter amidst the sorrow, each person’s journey through grief is valid and deserves understanding and support.

Reaching out to friends and family who are grieving is incredibly important. When someone is grieving, they may feel overwhelmed, or isolated, and knowing that others are there for them can provide comfort and support. Simply reaching out to offer a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, or practical help can make a world of difference in their healing process. She instructed that you should try to avoid comments like, “Let me know if there is anything I can do,” or “Give me a call if you need anything.” Don’t say it, do it! Visit them and give them a call to see if they need anything.

Dr. Block also impressed that mentioning the name of a deceased person can indeed bring their memory into the dialogue, keeping their relevance alive. It acknowledges their presence in the conversation and honors their memory. It can also serve as a way to reminisce about the person, share stories or anecdotes about them, or simply express how much they are missed. This practice can be particularly meaningful in situations where the person who passed away had a significant impact on the lives of those present in the conversation. It’s a way to ensure that they are not forgotten and that their legacy continues to be remembered and celebrated.

Loss is never easy, and unfortunately it is inevitable. Hopefully this article was helpful with innerstanding your own personal challenges with loss, and having a deeper understanding how to assist those around you who are experiencing loss.V