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Mental Health Week – Suicide and Your Children’s Stress – Do You Know the Signs?

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9 years ago

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BY MICHELLE SMITH 

Mental Health Week is May 2nd – 8th 2016. As your advocate, I just wanted to give you a little reminder that we all want to be healthy and happy. No one can be truly healthy without positive mental health. It involves how we feel, think, act and interact with the world around us. Mental health is about coping with the normal stresses of life and making a contribution to our community. Mental wellness is a topic of importance for me and for that matter let’s discuss it. Do you think suicide is preventable? Many factors and circumstances can contribute to someone’s decision to end his or her life. Find out how to recognize the warning signs and learn the importance of talking about suicide.

Approximately eleven people will end their lives by suicide today in Canada. Awareness is essential to changing this behaviour. Understand why people consider suicide and attempt to take their own lives

The Facts About Suicide: Suicide is preventable. Most people who attempt suicide want to live, but are overcome with emotional pain and cannot see any other way to handle a situation that may seem overwhelming and impossible to bear. Most people who die by suicide give definite warning signs of experiencing thoughts of suicide. This is one reason learning to recognize these signs and how to respond to them is so important. Talking about suicide does not cause someone to experience thoughts of suicide or increase the risk. Showing genuine concern by asking about suicide directly can be part of an immediate intervention. Four out of five people who die by suicide have made at least one previous attempt. Suicide occurs across all age, economic, social and ethnic boundaries. Males die by suicide three times as often as females. Three times more women than men attempt suicide.

Suicidal crisis are almost always temporary: Although it might seem as if your sadness will never end, it is important to realize that crisis are usually time-limited. Solutions are found, feelings change, unexpected positive events occur. Suicide is sometimes referred to as “a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” Don’t let suicide rob you of better times that will come your way when you allow more time to pass.

If you are a parent, take time out to understand the overall picture of your child, I know that as a mother, I myself am guilty at times of not looking at the bigger picture. This is very important for parents to understand. As a parent, you can’t protect your kids from stress, but you can help them develop healthy ways to cope with stress and solve everyday problems.

Kids deal with stress in both healthy and unhealthy ways. And while they may not initiate a conversation about what’s bothering them, they do want their parents to reach out and help them cope with their troubles. But it’s not always easy for parents to know what to do for a child who is feeling stressed. As a matter of fact, I still have to figure out ways to cope and manage situations that arise. The challenge will always remain the same. Learning how to cope with situations when they arise is the key. The ability to cope is a learned behaviour.

Quite often we say ‘end the stigma’ but I find that people don’t really understand what that really means. One simple step for all, is being aware of situations that may cause stress for others. By doing so you can continue the conversation by asking this question ‘How are you feeling right now?’ This gives the opportunity for an individual to reflect on how they are feeling which may help change their current feelings of distress.

These tips can be used interchangeably for any age. Remember, ‘you are a role model’ is not just a word. We can all learn better ways of coping here are eight steps just for you!

Notice out loud: Tell your child when you notice that something’s bothering him or her. If you can, name the feeling you think your child is experiencing. (“It seems like you’re still mad about what happened at the playground.”) This shouldn’t sound like an accusation (as in, “OK, what happened now? Are you still mad about that?”) or put a child on the spot. It’s just a casual observation that you’re interested in hearing more about your child’s concern. Be sympathetic and show you care and want to understand.

Listen to your child: Ask your child to tell you what’s wrong. Listen attentively and calmly, with interest, patience, openness and caring. Avoid any urge to judge, blame, lecture or say what you think your child should have done instead. The idea is to let your child’s concerns and feelings be heard. Try to get the whole story by asking questions like “And then what happened?” Take your time. And let your child take his or her time, too.

Comment briefly on the feelings you think your child was experiencing: For example, you might say “That must have been upsetting,” “No wonder you felt mad when they wouldn’t let you in the game,” or “That must have seemed unfair to you.” Doing this shows that you understand what your child felt, why and that you care. Feeling understood and listened to will help your child feel supported by you and that is especially important in times of stress.

Put a label on it: Many younger kids do not yet have words for their feelings. If your child seems angry or frustrated, use those words to help him or her learn to identify the emotions by name. Putting feelings into words helps kids communicate and develop emotional awareness and develop the ability to recognize their own emotional states. Kids who can do so are less likely to reach the behavioural boiling point where strong emotions come out through behaviours rather than communicated with words.

Help your child think of things to do: Conflict Resolution. If there’s a specific problem that’s causing stress, talk together about what to do. Encourage your child to think of a couple of ideas. You can start the brainstorming if necessary, but don’t do all the work. Your child’s active participation will build confidence. Support the good ideas and add to them as needed. Ask, “How do you think this will work?”

Listen and move on: Sometimes talking, listening and feeling understood is all that’s needed to help a child’s frustrations begin to melt away. Afterward, try changing the subject and moving on to something more positive and relaxing. Help your child think of something to do to feel better. Don’t give the problem more attention than it deserves.

Limit stress where possible: If certain situations are causing stress, see if there are ways to change things. For instance, if too many after school activities consistently cause homework stress, it might be necessary to limit activities to leave time and energy for homework.

Just be there: Kids don’t always feel like talking about what’s bothering them. Sometimes that’s OK. Let your kids know you’ll be there when they do feel like talking. Even when kids don’t want to talk, they usually don’t want parents to leave them alone. You can help your child feel better just by being there with them, spending time together. So if you notice that your child seems to be down in the dumps, stressed, or having a bad day, but doesn’t feel like talking, initiate something you can do together. Take a walk, watch a movie, shoot some hoops, or bake some cookies. Isn’t it nice to know that your presence really counts?

Be patient. As a parent, it hurts to see your child unhappy or stressed. But try to resist the urge to fix every problem. Instead, focus on helping your child, slowly but surely, grow into a good problem solver, a child who knows how to roll with life’s ups and downs, put feelings into words, calm down when needed and bounce back to try again.

Parents can’t solve every problem as their children go through life. But by teaching healthy coping strategies, you’ll prepare your children to manage the stresses that come in the future Self-esteem is more than just seeing your good qualities. It is being able to see all your abilities and weaknesses together, accepting them and doing your best with what you have.

Consider these key characteristics when assessing your own mental health:
Ability to enjoy life: Can you live in the moment and appreciate the “now”? Are you able to learn from the past and plan for the future without dwelling on things you can’t change or predict? Resilience: Are you able to bounce back from hard times? Can you manage the stress of a serious life event without losing your optimism and a sense of perspective? Balance: Are you able to juggle the many aspects of your life? Can you recognize when you might be devoting too much time to one aspect, at the expense of others? Are you able to make changes to restore balance when necessary? Self-actualization: Do you recognize and develop your strengths so that you can reach your full potential? Flexibility: Do you feel and express, a range of emotions? When problems arise, can you change your expectations of yourself, life or others to solve the problem and feel better?

Mental wellness is a core component to everyone’s health take a look in the mirror and ask yourself ‘How You Doin’. This has been watching out for your health.

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Spirituality

“Tha Bloodcl@t Work.” Let your valuable transformation begin!

Published

1 year ago

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October 25, 2023

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Photo Credit: cottonbro studio

BY AKUA GARCIA

Happy Scorpio season star family. I pray you are well as we transition to another season of cosmic alignment. The days are beginning to get darker; the clocks will fall back ushering shorter days and longer nights. Many people are impacted by the changes surrounding us. The onset of seasonal depression begins as we have a decrease in vitamin D. We are not outdoors moving our bodies as much as we tend to stay indoors a bit more. The cosmos supports this darker time, let’s look deeper into Scorpio season.

Scorpio season begins October 23rd to November 22nd. Scorpio is a water sign, representing the deeper, darker aspects of the divine feminine energy. Governed by both Mars and Pluto, Scorpio is the sign of transformation by way of death and rebirth.  This Scorpio season we have an eclipse on October 28th, making the energy extra potent for transformation. Scorpio looks at our deeper emotions, our feelings that are often repressed under the surface of our smile. Scorpio is a sign of mystery, power, intuition, spirituality, sexuality as well as money. This upcoming eclipse season will call us to reflect on our values as it corresponds with the Scorpio traits. It’s a time of reviewing where we give our power to begin reclaiming.

Scorpio season is also a great season for shadow work. Shadow work is a psychological insight into the darker aspects of our personality. Coined by Carl Jung, renowned psychiatrist, shadow work allows us to explore the darker sides of ourselves.  Our fears, traumatic experiences, the parts of ourselves that we deny, repress or carry shame around, resides in our shadows. However, beneath what we have buried we tend to find our light. When we release all the heavy emotions and experiences of our past, it makes room for all the things we have denied ourselves under the notion of not being lovable or enough.

The eclipse will illuminate our values and self-worth. It is the last eclipse of the Taurus/Scorpio axis that started about a year and a half ago. It is also a full moon eclipse, signaling closure, endings of a cycle. Our traumatic experiences often have us questioning our self-worth. We are often left emotionally scarred, afraid to trust others and most importantly ourselves. Unresolved emotions take a toll on our self-esteem, mental and physical health. The things we repress show up overtime in our triggers.  Each time we are triggered our nervous system remembers how it feels during the time of the original event.  We often react the same way we have been conditioned to; we repress it.

This Scorpio season I encourage you to sit with your darker side of your personality.  Our personality is formed by our personal reality.  We have to get real with ourselves and tell ourselves the whole truth. It’s ok to hurt, it’s ok not to be ok, but to deny your emotions, how you truly feel is a form of self-denial. Our triggers are gateways to our glimmers of more light and love. Our shadows are mostly childhood fears that continue to manifest in different ways as we grow older. They impact our relationship with ourselves and show up in triggering forms in our relationships with others.

Scorpio season helps face our shadows and take our power back. We can no longer hide, play small, or allow shame to keep us hostage in the past. This is the nature of the work that I do. I use Shadow work astrology to help the collective: unpack their own shadows, face their fears and reclaim their lives on their terms.

I have assisted over 100 people in overcoming traumatic childhood experiences.  Some of my clients were at the point of not wanting to live anymore to now leading wholesome, healthy, aligned lives. We can tell a new story and live a new life, but we must be willing to venture into our darkness to reclaim our light. I call my work “Tha Bloodcl@t Work.” I recognize traveling through our inner darkness is no easy feat, but to be able to reclaim our light, our power, our love for self, is priceless.

This Scorpio season comes with the eclipse and Halloween, don’t let your fears continue to spook you out of your blessings.  Use the support of the cosmos to call your power back.  Let your valuable transformation begin!

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Spirituality

This eclipse season i challenge you to tell a new story

Published

1 year ago

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October 11, 2023

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Photo by Sebastian Voortman

BY AKUA GARCIA

Happy Libra season cosmic family!  I pray you are all well, falling back into balance with the fall energy. Nature provides us with a beautiful masterpiece as the leaves change colours then begin to fall away.  As the saying goes “Fall is about to show us how beautiful it can be to let go.”

However, I have noticed change and letting go are very difficult for some to do.  Our minds tend to hold on to stories, narratives from the past that might have once comforted or protected us. Holding onto these stories over time, we begin to internalize then identify with these narratives. To release the story, can almost feel like releasing the parts of ourselves that have comforted and protected us. However, holding on to these stories can keep us stuck in our past, blocking the blessings of the present and recreating a memorized future. We must ask ourselves if we are truly committed to our growth or are we comfortable reliving our past experiences that we perceive as safe. This eclipse season I challenge you to tell a new story.

Eclipse season happens twice a year. Our last eclipse series was back in April/May of this year. Mars was the ruling planet as the eclipses took place in the signs of Aries and Scorpio respectively. These eclipses highlighted the themes of self-identity, looking at our interior motives, desires, and ambitions.  It also brought to the surface the areas of intimacy we may struggle with, especially in our: spirituality, sexuality, and finances.

The past eclipse phase gave us a six-month assignment to dive deeper into these themes in correlation to how they impact how we see ourselves in relation to these themes. These themes are extremely personal. This is where we often carry secrets and shame that lead us to hide who we truly are. The shame is often a result of others projecting their fears and issues with shame onto others. Internalizing these fears creates a blockage to expressing who we truly are. We must ask ourselves how much of our personal power are we giving away to others based on their projected fears? How does this impact how you perceive yourself?

Now that we are coming to an end of this six-month assignment, Libra season is asking us to balance the scales. Balance the past wisdom with your present reality, balancing what serves us and what we need to let go, balancing our own needs versus that of others, it’s time to fall back in alignment with the most authentic expression of you.

The first eclipse happening October 14th, is in the sign of Libra, the final eclipse for the year will be October 28th, in the sign of Taurus, both signs ruled by Venus. For the next six months we will be tasked with telling a new story about who we are. Now that life has aligned us to confront these hidden, fear/shame ridden parts of ourselves, how do we bring value to our journey that leads us to begin to embody this new story of who we are. Venus is the planet of love, beauty, values, partnership, and material possessions. It speaks to what we attract, the value we place on ourselves including our resources.

The eclipse in Libra is calling us to recreate a new story by reclaiming our journey that brought us here. Timelines from the past may present themselves during this transit for us to perhaps take a new perspective using the wisdom we have gained from past experiences. We are no longer the older versions of ourselves, we have new insight, we have overcome so much.  We have new tools to reclaim the wisdom of our past, and to also re-create a new way forward that aligns with who we are now and meets our needs to sustain where we are heading. We may struggle with change, but on the other side is a fresh start, a beautiful unfolding to a new beginning.

Eclipses tend to be viewed as emotional resets, spiritual clean slates. To start clean, we will have to clean up then let go. Just like the leaves of autumn, the eclipse season is about to show us just how beautiful it can be to let things go.

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Spirituality

Fall is about to show us how beautiful letting go can be

Published

1 year ago

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September 27, 2023

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Photo by Matt

BY AKUA GARCIA

Happy fall season star family!  We have officially said goodbye to summer, hope it was good to you. Now that we have switched seasons, we may notice our energy levels also fluctuating during this time as we realign to what the season brings.

Fall also brings with it the onset of Libra season. Libra is the sign symbolized by the scales, reminding us that life is a balancing act. The first day of fall we experience an equal amount of sunlight and darkness. We often strive for equality when trying to balance things in our lives, however I have found balance is more about harmony rather than equality.

Libra is ruled by the planet Venus, the planet: of love, values and resources.  Libra is the sign of relationships, partnerships and justice. It calls us to look within the dynamics of our relationships. With Venus highlighting our values, just leaving retrograde, we may feel more inclined to review the value base in our current relationships. We can often step into relationships based on aesthetics, or physical attraction. Libra also fancies aesthetics and beauty, however when the aesthetics change or fade away, we will be left with what really keeps the relationship together.

Building a value-based foundation for our relationships is key for building strong relationships. Our values tell us what we prioritize, they help us direct our energy, time and resources. When our values do not align, it makes it extremely difficult to balance how we show up in our relationships.

Life is relational. From the moment we are born, we are in contact with someone else. We learn a lot about values in childhood from our parents, caregivers, teachers, peers and environment. As we get older, we hold onto the values that resonate the most with us, then begin to internalize these values as our own. Venus was retrograde, calling us to review the intentions behind our relationships.  As we have entered this fall season, we may need to let go, or let old value systems fall away that no longer serve us.

We might have grown up in a home where expressing our emotions wasn’t valued as much as hard work. We may find now in our current relationship dynamics we may not know how to advocate for our emotional needs, instead work harder at proving our value to others. This dynamic will lead down a spiral of people pleasing, often feeling unfulfilled. Coming back to what we truly value for ourselves, then working to express and embody said values will help attract others with those similar values.

When we are working with similar values in our personal relationships, or business partnerships, it allows us to build a foundation that everyone can prioritize. Having similar values cultivates a space for emotional safety making way for everyone to show up as their full authentic selves. It is only in authentic connections we can ensure we have the capacity to not just meet and serve our needs, but those of the ones we value and love.

This fall season I challenge you to review the intentions of your relationships. Our relationships start with ourselves, how we love ourselves, how we value ourselves is going to directly show up, impacting our relationships. Are there any beliefs, fears, patterns, value systems that you need to let fall away in order to restore balance and harmony in your relationships? Are you looking outside of yourself for emotional validation of your needs? How can you begin to express and embody your values?

The trees don’t worry about the leaves that are falling away, they know they have served their purpose. The leaves transform in colour and expression, then fall away to nurture and sustain the tree. In this transformation season of fall, let go of the anxiety of letting go; know that what falls away is going to sustain your transformation to make room for the relationships that truly value you. Fall is about to show us how beautiful letting go can be.

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