Connect with us

Personal Development

My Crazy ‘Relationship Self’

Published

on

BY: SHEENA BLAKE

What is your ‘relationship’ self like? You know, that self that acts repugnant or self righteous or ignorant or arrogant or needy…well, I’m sure that there are many more words that could describe a person’s ‘relationship’ self!

Today’s article is about the person we become when we enter into a relationship and how we can practice ways of behaving so as not to repeat the same ‘mishaps’ over and over.

My partner and I have been together for over ten years now and to be straight…my ‘relationship’ self definitely contributed to a great number of silly times. I really began to notice this part of me when we were on a ‘break’…for all the big people out there…you now that time when you feel like you can’t make it work, but you don’t want to give up…so you live separately and try to work on it from a distance…

During this time, I realized that I was 50% responsible for our ‘issues’. WHAT?? I couldn’t believe it! How could I have been responsible for any of it? He was the one that was crazy and and and…Well, lessons tend to come hard for me, sometimes. My relationship self was all of the things that I mentioned above…plus clingy, rude and down right mean. She didn’t give my beloved any space to breathe. She just kept wanting and needing more and more and more from him. He was exhausted.

Now, I won’t pretend that his relationship self was faultless; I won’t pretend as though I was completely responsible for our hard times, but what I have learned is that if I take responsibility for my own behaviour, then I can actually work on my life and get better.

On our break, I re-saw how cool and funny and easy going I am. These were parts of me that I hadn’t seen in years. So, why was it, that when I was in a relationship, I was this totally different person?

I don’t think I know entirely why. If I said that I did, well, I’d be lying. What I do know, though, is that my ‘relationship’ self has a lot to do with the little girl inside of me. The one that used to watch romance films like there was nothing else on television. The one who thought that life really was a film and if any partner of mine wanted to be with me, he was going to have to prove it…or else.

My partner and I are now ‘back together’, and although things are certainly not perfect, our ‘relationship’ selves have sure come a long way!

Ok. What are the take homes from today’s article?

  1. Our relationship selves have minds of their own, and if we don’t mind sharp, they will take over everything that is near and dear to us.
  2. Our relationship selves can only be controlled when we have fully acknowledged that they exist.
  3. And, last but not least, our relationship selves cannot be despised; they are only trying to protect us, even if they cause us harm.

You all know that I couldn’t end this without some sort of pseudo spiritual-ness…well…it’s simple (or complicated depending on how you look at it). Our relationship self is the self that is certain that no one will love us. People talk about self care, all the time and it is so true, if we take care of ourselves, learn to love ourselves, have ourselves back, then he/she/it is much less likely to want to be the ‘crazy’ in your relationships. Take a breath…it’s gonna be alright.S

 

Continue Reading
Advertisement
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Personal Development

How to develop big-picture thinking

Published

on

Photo by Fernanda Latronico

BY DANIEL COLE

Big picture thinking is the ability to look at a situation in its entirety with a well-refined perspective.

Big picture thinkers are not worried or overly concerned about temporal setbacks or challenges because they usually have a long-time frame of reference when making decisions or embarking on a project.

Big picture thinkers and detail-oriented thinkers are both needed and necessary in an organization; while the former focus on the big picture, the latter focuses on details. Striking a balance between the two is pivotal for success. Big picture thinkers are mostly optimists by nature. However, they are sometimes blinded to their own optimism bias. It is important to take into account the current reality and situation of things as you look at the bigger picture.

So, what are some effective strategies for becoming a big-picture thinker?

Use the mind mapping technique: Mind mapping is a technique for visually organizing information and ideas in a hierarchical and interconnected way. To use mind mapping for developing big-picture thinking, you can:

  • Start with a central idea or topic in the centre of a page and draw branches for subtopics, supporting ideas, and details.
  • Use images, symbols, and colours to make connections and distinguish between different types of information.
  • Continuously review and expand your mind map as you gather more information and insights, connecting new ideas to existing ones and identifying patterns and relationships.
  • Think critically and creatively, asking questions, making connections and considering multiple perspectives to help you see the big picture and understand the complexities of a situation.
  • By using mind mapping to develop big-picture thinking, you can synthesize information, generate new ideas, and gain a more holistic and nuanced understanding of a topic.

Take a step back: “You can’t see the full picture when you are in the frame”, says the Motivational Guru Les Brown. But what does this mean? It means that it’s difficult to have an objective or complete perspective on a situation when you are directly involved in it. This can be because you are too close to the situation or too invested in the outcome. It’s often helpful to step back and look at things from a different angle to gain a more comprehensive understanding. In other words, it’s easier to see the whole picture when you are not directly in the picture yourself. When faced with a complex problem, it can be helpful to take a step back and look at the situation from a different perspective. This can help you see the broader context and understand how different elements are connected. Try to think about the problem in the context of your organization, industry, or society as a whole.

Surround yourself with big thinkers and positive influence: How you see life, approach problems, how big or small you think, and your frame of reference, is influenced by the people you do life with and the association your keep. Ask people to give you their unbiased perspectives or opinions on what you are trying to do. Use people as a sounding board to help you shape your perspective. Remember, “you can’t see the picture when you are in the frame.”

In conclusion, Success expert Brian Tracy rightly said, “Things are important to the extent that they have important consequences. Things are unimportant to the extent that they have no important consequences.” 

When faced with a choice, ask yourself, what would be the consequences of each option?

It is human nature to make rushed, emotional decisions based on incomplete information, and then regret those decisions later on. You can protect yourself from poor judgment by striving to attain the big picture when careful consideration is called for. Focus on the consequences of your decision before considering how you feel about it. Play with the cards you’ve been dealt, but look for opportunities in each situation and you will find them.

Continue Reading

Personal Development

Five proven techniques for problem-solving

Published

on

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

BY DANIEL COLE

Problems are inevitable; in life and business. All organizations exist because there is a problem to solve. People are employed because they have problem-solving skills. Running away from problems is not the right mental approach; all successful people are problem solvers. However, Albert Einstein has rightly said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.” There are many techniques and proven principles or approaches to problem-solving. A few of them include:

The 5 why technique: To get clarity about the nature of the problem you want to solve and proffer an efficient solution, apply the five whys technique. Making an informed decision is based on an insightful understanding of the problem and careful exploration of the root cause. The 5 Why technique is one of the most effective tools for root cause analysis in Lean management. This technique is simply applied by asking “Why” five times to get to the root of the problem. An example would be assuming the problem you are trying to solve is obesity, ask the first “why”, “Why are you obese?” Assuming the answer is because you eat unhealthy food and you don’t take time to exercise. The second why will be, why do you eat unhealthy, and why don’t you take time to exercise? Whatever your answer is, ask the third why, by the time you get to the fifth why you must have had a clearer understanding of the root cause of the problem.

The Eisenhower matrix: This technique helps prioritize tasks by dividing them into 4 categories: urgent and important, not urgent but important, urgent but not important, and not urgent or important. It helps to identify which tasks are important, and which are not, and it helps to focus on the important ones. This matrix is very effective when having challenges with choosing priorities, and it’s also a good time management technique.

SWOT analysis: This technique involves analyzing the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats that are associated with a problem. The SWOT analysis helps identify the internal and external factors that are important to achieving a goal or addressing a problem. By understanding these factors, it becomes easier to develop an effective solution. Once the SWOT analysis is completed, the information can be used to develop a strategy to address the problem or achieve the goal.

The design thinking method: This technique is a human-centered approach to problem-solving that emphasizes empathy, creativity and experimentation. It involves understanding the needs of the end-users, prototyping solutions and testing them with real users to see what works and what doesn’t in order to arrive at the best solution.

The six-sigma method: This method is a data-driven approach to problem-solving that is used in manufacturing and other industries to improve the overall quality and efficiency of a process. The six-sigma method is based on five key phases: Define, Measure, Analyze, Improve and Control (DMAIC). It uses statistical analysis to identify and remove the causes of defects and variability in a process. It is designed to help organizations improve the efficiency and effectiveness of their processes, and to reduce costs and increase customer satisfaction. This method requires dedicated resources, leadership commitment and a culture of continuous improvement to be successful.

The above techniques are just a few of the many problem-solving techniques that are available. The best approach will depend on the specific problem you’re trying to solve and the resources you have available. It’s also important to remember that problem-solving is an iterative process, and a combination of techniques may be necessary in order to achieve the best results. However, it is important to always document your winning strategy to avoid redundancy and duplicity of effort should in case similar problems occur in the future.

Continue Reading

Personal Development

Life at the speed of thought and innovation

Published

on

Photo Credit: Bruno Scramgnon on Pexels

BY DANIEL COLE

Have you ever wondered why the Dark Ages was called Dark? It’s because there wasn’t much scientific, cultural or human development or advancement during that era if there were any at all; man’s state of existence was primitive. In the 1500s, people ascribed all events they didn’t understand to God. Why did the crops fail? God did it. Why did we have an earthquake? God did it. What holds the planets in place? God. But as man became more enlightened, we began the search for a more scientific understanding – physics, chemistry, biology, and so forth.

Man’s ability to think, in my opinion, is the greatest gift God gave to Mankind. Socrates, Aristotle, Pythagoras, Plato, Thales, and so many great Philosophers whose works and intellectual produce are still considered relevant today, existed before Christ was born, which underpins the limit of ‘religion and spirituality’ in man’s ability to critically think, and proffer practical solutions to his daily life problems. I have always believed that spirituality is not against reasoning. Our world has advanced not only because of financial resources but also because of an intellectual resource.

One of the most relevant skills in our world today is problem-solving, which I fondly refer to as “Thinking Skill.” The ability to critically think through a problem and proffer practical, workable solutions. The next new frontiers of our world will not be people who blindly accept popular views or generally accepted ideas, but rather, those who are not intellectually lazy to put in the time and effort to find relevant facts, collect data and through that extrapolates to a logical and rational conclusion.

People who are not afraid to question the ‘Truth’, not for the sake of proofing their ingenuity, but rather because they refuse to be held back by the result of somebody else’s thinking. And this is true of Albert Einstein; the world has believed the Isaac Newton law of gravitational pull for hundreds of years before Einstein proofs him wrong. Jim Collins wrote, “The best students are those who never believe their professors.”

In fact, for almost three decades, I have always believed Charles Darwin postulated the evolution theory, well, I was wrong, Darwin popularized the theory of evolution by natural selection, but the roots of the theory came from Greek philosophy. The idea dates back to centuries before Darwin. Three natural philosophers of the ancient world worked on the idea; they are Anaximander (c. 610 BC – c. 546 BC), Empedocles (495 BC – 435 BC) and Lucretius (99 BC – 55 BC). Bruce Calvert was right, “Believing is easier than thinking. Hence so many more believers than thinkers.”

Today, with enough data to proof and scientific evidence available, we now believe the earth to be spherical. However, in the nineteenth century, during the Middle Ages, certain scholars have always believed that the earth was flat. The world is moving at the speed of thought and innovation. What informs your view about life? In a time where Google seems to have an answer to every question, we should ask ourselves, are we still thinking or we are unconsciously outsourcing it?

Take a thoughtful consideration of the things you’ve believed. Have you been indoctrinated to living life the way you’re living it? I am not suggesting taking a Nihilistic view of life, but stay curious, and stay informed. In the words of John Maxwell, “As you begin changing your thinking, start immediately to change your behaviour. Begin to act the part of the person you would like to become. Take action on your behaviour. Too many people want to feel, then take action. This never works.”

Thinking is a skill. We all need to be intentional about engaging in it. Remember, “The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained liberation from the self.” Albert Einstein

Continue Reading

Trending