New research finds that in some cases, narcissists actually have low self-esteem, but they’re not chasing a self-esteem boost

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

Have you been around a person who thrives on drama? A person who plays people against each other, keeps dangerous secrets, lies and leaves a trail of upset and powerless people in their wake.

This person creating dangerous situations is one way that they create drama, and unfortunately, some people are undoubtedly going to emerge from the drama weakened, upset, and scared because the dangerous situation they’ve been pulled into is a lose-lose situation for them.

With their brash, self-centered ways, this person can hurt the people around them emotionally, and often their deepest fear is of being exposed as a nothing. So, they will protect their own fragile shell above all else, even if it sometimes emotionally harms the people they love the most.

The person we are talking about is someone who has narcissistic personality disorder. They express extreme levels of grandiosity about themselves and show a lack of empathy for others. People who don’t qualify for a diagnosis of the disorder can display certain narcissistic traits, such as arrogant behavior, a need for external validation and the expectation that they should be recognized as superior by others.

According to Dr Jonice Webb, there are four characteristics of the narcissist, which can work together to make him a danger. They are:

• The need to protect their inflated sense of self can make them desperate
• The need to feed his sense of specialness can drive them to violate others boundaries
• Lack of empathy for others can make them incapable of seeing when they hurt others
• Their belief that they are special can make it easy for them to rationalize their actions

New research finds that in some cases, narcissists actually have low self-esteem, but they’re not chasing a self-esteem boost with their self-aggrandizing behavior. Instead, they’re seeking status.

Virgil Zeigler-Hill a psychology professor at Oakland University in Michigan, has focused on the notion that self-esteem isn’t a narcissist’s main problem; instead, he said, narcissists are desperate for status, and their inflated self-esteem tends to be a consequence of feeling like they are admired and exalted, rather than the other way around.

“What they really care about is navigating status hierarchies,” Zeigler-Hill told Live Science. “They care about being better than other people, they care about other people respecting and admiring them, they care about the benefits you get from being high status.”

While self-esteem is how a person feels about themself, status perception is how they feel about how others see them. Almost everyone cares, at some level, how they are perceived by others, but for people with narcissism, status-seeking takes on an outsized role in how they feel about themselves.

It is okay to be understanding that he or she is protecting herself from the hurt that they experienced in childhood, but at the same time, it is vital to protect yourself and keep your boundaries intact.

Personally, I have always found it safer to stay away from this personality type. They have a tendency to pull you into their darkness, and before you know it, you have become swallowed up.

Be mindful, and do not let your compassion make you vulnerable.