Togetherness is good medicine

What’s happened, that we feed our children a single definition of success? Grow up and leave home, climb the ladder, buy a house, and live an “independent” life. At the same time, aging parents assert they must never become a burden on their grown children. These aspirations for self-reliance are ingrained in our concept of good living.

I wonder if we have it wrong…

Personal conviction, self-directed decisions, accomplishing goals on one’s own, these are all powerful elements of autonomy that come with the reward of feeling accomplished and satisfied.  Interdependence (beginning together and relying on others) is what keeps people healthy. We are a social species, and in social groups is how human beings are best suited to live.

In our modern ways of organizing ourselves in society, we have forgotten that multigenerational households were the norm for most of human history. It’s been a relatively recent development that we have measured success by dispersing the family into multiple homes, each behind its own closed door.

“Loneliness has become a public-health epidemic.”

The social experiment is not going well. Loneliness has become a public-health epidemic, increasing the risk of premature death at rates comparable to smoking and obesity!

Meanwhile, the housing data tell a striking story. While the buzz is loud about lack of housing, in fact, our communities are full of empty bedrooms. Literally millions of them, most in the homes of older adults living alone. At the same time, young people are struggling to find an affordable apartment, weighed down by debt, and postponing milestones like starting families because rent consumes too much of their income. We have a structural surplus of space and a structural deficit in seeing solutions.

What if the answer is not more construction, but more connection?

Small but powerful examples are showing the benefits. Home-share programs match seniors with university students. Cohousing developments arrange single older adults in private suites around shared kitchens and gardens. Some young people, groups of friends, are going in together on the purchase of a jointly owned first home. In these settings, researchers find better mental health, greater life satisfaction, and fewer emergency-room visits by older residents. Togetherness is good medicine.

As for the fear of being a burden, it deserves reconsideration. Studies show that adult children who help care for a parent often feel more purpose and emotional closeness, not resentment. Older adults living with family tend to stay healthier and independent longer. Ironically, the determination to avoid burdening anyone can lead to the very outcome people are trying to avoid.

More good news; there are environmental benefits. Multigenerational households use far less energy per person. Three generations under one roof leave a much smaller environmental footprint than three separate homes. Living together is climate friendly.

The biggest factor is economic. A large body of research has shown that one of the most significant determinants of health is economic status. Yes, studies on the health impacts of living alone, of single parent versus traditional family structures, or of communal living, offer insights. The research is clear that these factors are less important to health than the mighty dollar. So, if living together will improve financial wellbeing, then it’s an excellent investment in health.

Multigenerational living isn’t right for every family, but for many, it could be exactly the right antidote, to financial stress, and to today’s fractured social landscape. We would do well to create more well-designed cohabitation, with vetted roommates, seniors paired with students, and shared community spaces. As a result, we could expect stronger family ties, improved housing utilization, reduced loneliness, and better health.

This column offers opinions on health and wellness, not personal medical advice.