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“Finding a partner after 40: A Conversation with Black Folks.” A movement built on love

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BY SIMONE J. SMITH

“Loneliness is leading factor in depression, suicide amongst Black men. How do we find partnership and love, when we are in a society where disposability and ghosting people on dating apps is the norm?” Black father, divorced, Toronto

Modern life often comes with demanding schedules, making it challenging to find time for socializing and building relationships. Balancing work, personal life, and social activities is difficult, and even though in 2023 we have a prevalence of dating apps and online platforms, some individuals find it challenging to navigate the virtual dating landscape. From what I heard, it can be overwhelming to choose from numerous profiles and initiate meaningful connections. A 2021 study by Eharmony found that a woman’s desirability online peaks at 21, but, at 26, women have more online pursuers than men whereas, at 48, men have twice as many online pursuers as women.

Some individuals may have unrealistic expectations, influenced by social media, movies, or other external factors. This often leads to disappointment and frustration when reality doesn’t match these idealized visions. In an article written by Susan L Edelman (Psychiatrist and Associate Professor at Stanford University), she identified that because the world is the way it is, women start getting concerned about their desirability once they reach a certain age. To be frank, they feel the burden of this pressure much more than men, and they worry more about their chances of marrying once they pass over certain age thresholds.

Finding a partner after the age of 40 can be challenging for anyone. Cultural norms and societal expectations can impact dating dynamics, and individuals may feel pressure to conform to certain standards, leading to difficulties in expressing their authentic selves.

The process of dating can be quite difficult and scary, and discussions about dating between men and women can be sensitive and trigger various emotions due to the complex nature of relationships, societal expectations, and individual experiences. People may hold diverse perspectives, and topics related to dating can touch on personal, cultural, and social aspects that are often deeply ingrained.

Brandon Hay, Founder of Black Daddies Club decided that it was time to navigate these discussions thoughtfully, and approach them with empathy, respect, and an open mind.

His scintillating idea was to put on an event called “Finding a Partner After 40: A Conversation with Black Folks.” This panel discussion event was held at Evergreen Brick Works, 550 Bayview Ave, in Toronto, on Saturday, November 25th, 2023.

The Black Daddies Club curated this event to celebrate their 16th year anniversary. The event was designed as an education forum for people to engage and was open to the public. The invite was open to people who identified as: Black, racialized and non-Black, people who were in relationships, people who were single, people above 40 and people under the age of 40. The Black Daddies Club is a Toronto based grassroots organization that focuses on co-creating spaces for: Black fathers, Black men and the Black community in Toronto.

The moderated panel discussion event featured: Black therapists, Black sexual educators, Black Academics and every day Black folks talking about their various experiences around dating and finding a partner after the age of 40. The panelists and moderators for this event were:

Panelists:

  • Tamari Kitossa | Professor – Brock University | Toronto, CA
  • Tomika Long | Founder of Zee-Zee’s World | Toronto, CA
  • Natasha Lawrence | Community Health Worker at WHIWH CHC | Toronto, CA
  • Micheal Lambie | Design Expert & Entrepreneur | Toronto, CA
  • Millie Boella | Co-Founder of Decolonizing Love | Toronto, CA
  • Antonio J. Wheeler Jr. | Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor | Chicago, IL (Was unable to make it due to the holidays)
  • Sean Mauricette | Laying Foundations Together Inc. (Founder & Director) | Toronto, CA
  • Mara Clarke | The Law Office of Mara Clarke | (Owner & Operator) | Toronto, CA
  • A. Wade | Author/ Director/ | Toronto, CA
  • Adex Lava | Artist/ writer/ Curator | Montreal, QC

I was excited to be called in as one of the moderators alongside Mawuli Chai (Social Entrepreneur | Toronto, CA). Navigating this discussion was not an easy task. Mawuli and I had to take the time to understand the different experiences and emotions tied to dating. We did our best to be empathetic and considerate of the panelist, and audience’s perspectives. It was about recognizing and respecting the diversity of experiences within the dating realm, and taking in different cultures, backgrounds, and personal histories that shape people’s views on relationships.

One thing that I learned in moderating this event is that you have to be mindful of the language you use to avoid perpetuating stereotypes, or unintentionally causing discomfort. Using inclusive and respectful language can contribute to a more positive and constructive conversation. It was imperative to foster an environment where people felt comfortable expressing their thoughts without fear of judgment. Mawuli and I encouraged open dialogue, and of course stayed aware of the potential for sensitive topics.

It was a successful event, with some tense moments, and understandably so. I had a moment with Brandon Hay, and he expressed his gratitude. “We had over 200 people that attended the event throughout the night, and we wouldn’t have been able to do this event without your support and presence.

Thank you to the event partners, panelists, BDC volunteers, the audience who came out and much love to the Evergreen Brick Works and AV team, the audience who attended had nothing but great things about the venue and the overall production of the event.”

This is the genesis of something compelling, and I look forward to what Brandon Hay, and the team at Black Daddies Club curates next.

We, as humans are guaranteed certain things in life: stressors, taxes, bills and death are the first thoughts that pop to mind. It is not uncommon that many people find a hard time dealing with these daily life stressors, and at times will find themselves losing control over their lives. Simone Jennifer Smith’s great passion is using the gifts that have been given to her, to help educate her clients on how to live meaningful lives. The Hear to Help Team consists of powerfully motivated individuals, who like Simone, see that there is a need in this world; a need for real connection. As the founder and Director of Hear 2 Help, Simone leads a team that goes out into the community day to day, servicing families with their educational, legal and mental health needs.Her dedication shows in her Toronto Caribbean newspaper articles, and in her role as a host on the TCN TV Network.

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Timeless music brought to life on stage; Welcome to the Soul Nostalgic Experience

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Photo Credit: Jose Maria Elizalde

BY SIMONE J. SMITH

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Soul Nostalgic Experience! Tonight, we’re taking a journey back in time to relive the magic of an era that continues to inspire and captivate audiences worldwide. Are you ready to feel the groove?”

The audience erupts into cheers and applause as the band launches into a classic soul tune. People start swaying in their seats, unable to resist the infectious beat. A few brave souls even start dancing in the aisles.

Imagine being transported back in time to the golden era of R&B and Soul music, where smooth melodies and infectious rhythms ruled the airwaves. Now, envision this timeless music brought to life on stage with the energy and spectacle of a Las Vegas residency.

That’s precisely what the Soul Nostalgic Experience is all about. As I stepped through the doors, I was greeted by the smooth ambiance of classic R&B tunes mingling with the clinking of glasses and the tantalizing aromas wafting from our kitchen. The atmosphere was electric, alive with the anticipation of what the night had in store.

In the heart of Toronto’s vibrant music scene, there exists a figure who orchestrates brilliance from the shadows. Steve Hollywood, a name whispered among those in the know, is the unseen force behind many of the city’s musical endeavors. Despite his significant contributions, he stays removed from the spotlight, preferring the quiet hum of behind-the-scenes influence. Regardless, his presence remains enigmatic, known only to those privileged enough to collaborate with him. It’s a rare invitation to glimpse into his world, an offer extended to a select few, beckoning them to join the symphony of creativity he meticulously curates.

On Thursday, April 25th, 2024, the Toronto Caribbean Newspaper was welcome to the Acqua Supper Club, where the heartbeat of Toronto’s R&B and Soul scene will pulsate throughout the summer. Nestled in the heart of the city, the venue is a sanctuary where men and women will be able to gather for unforgettable evenings of soulful music and culinary delights.

At the helm of this musical journey is none other than DRU, a Juno Award-winning and gold record artist with a visionary passion for bringing back the magic of the 90s and 2000s R&B/Soul era. From timeless classics to contemporary hits, his performance was a journey through the soul, evoking nostalgia and stirring the spirit. Inspired to create something truly special, DRU collaborated with the immensely talented The Recipee Band to craft a show unlike any other. The Recipee Band, comprised of musical virtuosos: Jason Larmond, Otis Williams, Juwayon Clarke, and Jonathan Kerr, bringing over two decades of collective experience to the stage.

Drawing from a diverse range of genres and generations spanning from the 50s to the present, The Recipee Band serves as the backbone of Soul Nostalgic, infusing each performance with their unmatched musicality and passion. Soul Nostalgic isn’t just a concert; it’s a collective of exceptional talent coming together to create an immersive experience that will transport you back in time.

The night brought me through a ray of emotions, from high-energy dancing to electrifying live music, every moment of the show was designed to make you groove and feel good.

As the night unfolded, I found myself immersed in a world where time seemed to stand still, where the troubles of the outside world faded away, and all that mattered was the connection between music, food, and community.

I completely co-sign on this unforgettable journey. On May 30th, 2024, they are sharing this experience with the city again, so get ready to dance, sing along, and relive the magic of an era that continues to inspire and captivate audiences worldwide. This is more than just a concert; it’s the Soul Nostalgic Experience.

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Generational survival: Can our young people survive our generation?

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Photo Credit: Dr Obotdean

BY STEVEN KASZAB

The young people of the day are often criticized for not voting or participating in our electoral and public service efforts. Called bubble wrapped by some, those who attend schools of higher learning face challenges presented to them such as: professors who are not objective but espouse various ideologies of the left or right. Professorial prejudices often place the young student in academic limbo, encouraged to choose their professors preferred political outlook.

Raised to be democratically inclined, our youth often witness the actions of our establishments, which can appear to be very undemocratic. Terms like “Do as we say, not as we do,” hypocritical actions by the administration and police often lead our youth an openness towards misguided ideologies and movements of purported social change.

Our youth are encouraged to insert themselves into local, national and international politics, only to be witness to the horrible events, misinformation and the manipulative nature of global media who present their own interpretation of said events. Media is in fact a business manipulated by corporate and politically friendly owners. So, how can our youth truly believe what is in fact real, truthful, honest and objectively presented?

Our youth will often develop a sense of “Stockholm Syndrome” like attitudes, actions and desires. Desire to change a society that is obviously unacceptable but have an attitude to accept no other message except that which is given by their governments and institutions.

Our youth find the idea of voting in a system that remains the same, changes nothing and has players who all look and act alike to be a waste of time and effort. There will always be bad guys, taxes, raising prices, and diminishing opportunities. One’s outlook can be deflated, filled with nervous tension and even fatalism. War, addiction, premature deaths, abortion, women rights, democracy while supporting and doing business with dictatorships.

To be young, means to create, grow and aspire to positive things. Our national and global experience is seen as the opposite of that approach. There is simply: too much going on, too many people being harmed, too little opportunity, too much misinformation, too much greed to allow our young to develop in a well-balanced, mentally positive manner.

Mental health concerns for not only the youth, but our own as adults challenge us to change our ways, assist each other with an: empathetic, charitable manner, open minds and hearts.

Our young people are our treasure and future hope. If they are screwed up, so too are our future expectations and future goals. We have to continue to work on getting it right.

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The Black Business and Professional Association (BBPA) scandal: Is there room for corrections and restoration?

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BY MICHAEL THOMAS

After over 40 years of upholding a legacy of integrity and excellence, accusations and allegations of mismanagement of public funds and conflict of interest have raised its ugly head at the Black Business and Professional Association (BBPA).

As I investigated the meat of information surrounding this case it is easy to see why many buzzards are circling this prey. One of the main allegations I have noticed is that BBPA management awarded contracts to companies controlled by the former President and CEO, Nadine Spencer, without appropriate due diligence. Again, if this turns out to be true, an organization that has been in business for four decades must have seen this coming.

If the rules of receiving the funds, or government grants say that you must put out tenders to hire workers, then by all means do so. We have to remember that bad news travels twice the speed of good news.

There is more; on November 5th, 2021, the BBPA’s President at the time, Nadine Spencer became the CEO where she was allegedly paid in the range of $250,000. This was used to make the comparison that a bigger organization was thriftier with their money than BBPA, here is how. As an example, the Executive Director of Tropicana Community Services, a much larger non-profit organization, earned a salary of $163,671 in 2023.

My job in this article is not to throw BBPA under the morality bus, but to shed a bit of light on how as a people we must realize that all eyes are on us. Something I quickly spot is how many mainstream media took the opportunity to jump at this alleged scandal in BBPA, yet, for over four years now Canada has been led off the cliff, and because these same mainstream media folks were paid and funded, they looked the other way.

Do I condone the misuse of public funds? Hell no! If these allegations are proven to be true, should BBPA be held accountable? Hell yes!

That said, I went to BBPA’s website to have a bird’s eye view of what this organization is all about, and after reading I must say I was impressed.

I am hoping that BBPA realizes that to whom much is given, much is required.  An organization that has kept such a sterling reputation over the last four decades need not look only in its rearview mirror, but in blind spots as well.

Misappropriation of funds is no laughing matter regardless of how big or small an organization is, nor is conflict of interest. These are tantamount to having blood stains on white garments. If proven there needs to be public apologies, and most importantly “a complete cleaning of the house.”

The Boards of Directors of the BBPA released a statement on Friday, April 26th, 2024, in response to the call for their resignation in the midst of the allegations of financial mismanagement. The statement was addressed to BBPA members/supporters. It states, “We want you to know that we have been listening to the concerns that have recently been raised. The BBPA has hired independent professionals to undertake the appropriate reviews. The current BBPA Board has and continues to proactively take steps to strengthen governance and compliance practices. We are all dedicated to learning, improving, and continuing to work together through this process. We, as Directors, also want you to know that you can reach out to us any time for a conversation.”

Now in the case of Mr. Harry Jerome’s daughter, when one engages in asking an organization that has upheld her father’s name for four decades to quit using the name. I would like to think that this individual has solid proof of wrongdoing, or if proven wrong is ready to apologize as well, but with all these wolves circling the wagon. I understand her plight.

Starting from a small gathering that honored just six Black Canadian athletes who excelled at that year’s Commonwealth Games in 1983, to an organization that built an endowment fund of close to $600,000, and in the last 24 years the fund has granted over 650 scholarships totaling close to 2.5 million dollars, BBPA has a lot to be proud of.

However, if these allegations are found to be false, I am hoping that the accusing parties will do the right thing and apologize. On the other hand, if BBPA is found to be in the wrong, then the organization should be wise enough to rock the boat and throw those found guilty of tarnishing BBPA’s and Mr. Harry Jerome’s good reputation completely overboard.

According to news sources, BBPA has categorically denied all allegations. Whichever way this cookie crumbles, BBPA, your decision should and must make your people, and the late sprinter Mr. Harry Jerome’s name and family proud.

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