How to handle your inner-critic

BY DANIEL COLE

James Allen once said, “You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thought takes you.” We all have that inner voice in our head that keeps whispering to us, and oftentimes, they are negative whispers. Voices like, “You are not good enough,” “Who do you think you are?”, “You are not that smart,” “You are not that beautiful”, ‘Nobody cares what you have to say.’, to name a few; The problem is, if these whispers are not contained, managed or dealt with, over time, it sets the tone and trajectory for our life. Carter G. Woodson has rightly said, “If you can control a man’s thinking you do not have to worry about his action. When you determine what a man shall think you do not have to concern yourself about what he will do. If you make a man feel that he is inferior, you do not have to compel him to accept an inferior status, for he will seek it himself.” Do not let your inner dialogue, your negative perception of yourself control your life.

Inner-critic is sometimes a product of childhood abuse, lack of parental support or validation while we were young. Perhaps you’ve once given a lecture, written an article, attended an interview, made a sales presentation, defend a project or proposal, competed in an athletic event, acted in a play, given a concert, or performed any kind of job, and then found yourself on the way home listening to that voice in your head telling you how you messed up, even though there is no factual basis for it, what you should have done differently, how you could have and should have done it better? I’m sure you have. If you listen to that voice for very long, it undermines your self-confidence, erodes your self-esteem, and even demoralize you.

Daniel Amen once said, “Don’t believe everything you hear – even in your own mind.” Anytime that little voice whispers to us, the underlying message is positive, but that’s not the way it’s presented – the tone is often negative. It is our responsibility to build up ourselves to positively respond to our inner critic and turn it to inner coach. Ignoring the voice won’t help, we need to be conscious of it and positively respond to it.

As a child, I was so very inquisitive, and I once asked myself how does the lie detector machine work? How can a machine tell that I am not telling the truth? Little did I know then that the polygraph machine tests how our body reacts to our thoughts – change of temperature, heart rate, blood pressure, breathing rate, muscle tension and how much the hands sweat, when responding to questions.

When you are hooked up to a lie detector and are asked a question such as “Did you steal the money?” your hand will get colder, your heart will beat faster, your blood pressure will go up, your breathing will get faster, your muscles will get tighter, and your hands will sweat if you did take the money and you lie about it. These kinds of physiological changes occur not only when you are lying but also in reaction to every thought you think. The truth is, you are what you think, and your life will always drift towards your most dominant thought.

Lisa Firestone once wrote, “You can respond to your inner critic by writing down a more realistic and compassionate evaluation of yourself. Write these responses in the first person (as “I” statements). In response to a thought like, “You’re such an idiot,” you could write, “I may struggle at times, but I am smart and competent in many ways.” This exercise isn’t meant to build you up or boost your ego but to show a kinder, more honest attitude toward yourself.