BY SHEENA BLAKE
How are you when the ‘stuff’ hits the fan? Do you fight or fly? Do you quit or run towards the ‘stuff’? Today’s article is about processing and assessing our behaviours when it comes to the tough times.
Recently, I came up against a day that was both trying and revealing. In fact, this day was so intense for me that, at its peak, I had to begin making some very serious choices about how I was going to manage. What I find interesting is that it usually takes some serious things to happen for me to really think in the moment. Now that things are calm and settling down, I can reflect on my behavior. I could judge it, but that would be of no use.
So, here are my findings. When the “stuff” hits the fan in my world, it takes me a few hours to peel it off of the ceiling. Of course, through deep breathing techniques and all of the other important things I was taught to use when life gets hectic, I find calm. But, most of all, I have to remember that I have been there before. Maybe not in that exact place, but I have had that feeling before, that overwhelmed, scared, dissatisfied, uncomfortable, embarrassed, worried or shameful feeling. I’ve felt it and I moved through it at least a couple of times in my life.
I mentioned earlier that I could judge my behavior, but that would be a useless assertion. I, for most of my younger years, spent a great deal of time judging my actions and behaviors. I felt that if I judged myself harshly before other people could, I wouldn’t look so flawed, ignorant, arrogant and dumb. I thought I would appear polished and reflective and perhaps, I did appear polished and reflective. But, inside I was beating myself up. I would say to myself, “aren’t you embarrassed that you looked so weak/ dumb/ insecure/ ignorant [or any other feeling I used to abuse myself].
I’m grateful I spent those years in a self-depreciating state. Strange, I know, but, I now have a vantage point to stand on. When times are intense, instead of getting upset that I got upset….I simply allow myself to feel upset! It really is that simple.
My mentor often reminds me that our feelings are our human markers, they are our reminders. There is no sense in shutting them out or pretending that they are not being felt. On the contrary! I feel my feelings and allow them to leave just as quickly as they came.
I am a story teller. I share mine in hopes to hear yours. I have very little interest in unsolicited advice. That being said, I do have an offering for when the next round of ‘stuff’ hits the fan: let it! Ball, cry and scream and then calm down.
After all…it’s only ‘stuff’, right?