BY: KEZIA ROYER-BURKETT
It’s 2018, and maybe you have set New Year’s resolutions and goals for yourself in areas of your life like health and fitness, career, finances, travel and perhaps even a new hobby or business. But have you set any relationship goals lately? Any New Year’s resolutions for your love life and romantic relationships? Some people may say setting goals and making a list of what you want and expect from your love life is unrealistic and silly. A lot of people have said to me” Kezia don’t ever look for a man, let a man find you.” People say when you are not looking for love that is when love finds you. There is all kind of opinions and sayings on ways women, in particular, should not go searching for love and a romantic partner. Women are supposed to be the damsel in distress and let our knight in shining armour find and rescue us from singlehood.
I was raised in a very conservative traditional family, so I have some of that in me, but I am also a post-feminist, so I have a lot of new age opinions and qualities to me. But overall, I firmly believe in balance and try to live a balanced life. In my opinion, there is no one particular way to go about finding love or dealing with romantic relationships. In life we are taught to set our goals and steps to accomplish them, we are encouraged and trained to make a vision board for our career goals, urged to use planners to help us organize ourselves to be successful. But what tools and work ethics are we given to meeting and getting to know someone who may be of romantic interest?
I think that men and woman should be encouraged to write their list and actively work on their self-awareness so when a potential partner comes around, they are prepared to go with the flow. Do you see the balance between 1) creating the list of qualities and attributes you think you need in a partner, 2) getting to know yourself and 3) when in a dating scenario allowing yourself to go with the flow because you have prepared yourself for this situation?
We are taught endlessly to work hard for everything in life, yet mainstream society makes love appear so magical and whimsical that we forget it is an aspect of our lives thus meaning it requires just as much hard work as your career, etc.
The New Year has already started, but it’s never too late to begin new good habits. I encourage you to write your love goals down, whether you are in a relationship or single. And please remember this list is meant to reflect how you can improve not how you can change someone. All change starts from within if you are struggling with your current relationship set some goals of how you feel you can improve the situation and what your steps will be going forward. If you are single, really get to know yourself and love yourself and make a list of what you need in a relationship and look at the list often, even add or take away from it whenever necessary. Also, make a list of qualities you need to improve upon to be a better partner to someone. Do this until you think you have encountered a potential romantic partner then don’t look at the list anymore and go with the flow remembering precisely what you need from a romantic partner. Be prepared to go with the flow and remember you may not be everything on someone else’s list, just as they may not be everything on your list. This is where self-awareness is supposed to kick in and remind ourselves never to be a part of relationships that don’t add value and support your life purpose. Sometimes a relationship that starts off as ideal doesn’t always work out, that’s a part of life. Don’t let heartbreak and lousy past experiences hold you back from a loving relationship if it is what you desire.
Love, Likes, and Shares in the 6ix column is meant for me (Kezia) to share my perspective on love and relationships as well as share stories and questions the readers may have. Please send me your stories relating to the topics of love and relationships, you can remain anonymous, and I will share it in the column. Also, let me know some topics you would like me to address in the column. I look forward to shamelessly sharing my perspective and experiences on love and relationships, and I look forward to reading your views and stories as well. Happy New Year and as always, Love and Light.