BY: KEZIA ROYER-BURKETT
Yayyyy!!! We can rejoice if you are single like me, we have made it through the hardest holidays for single people, and now we can look to the future and figure this single life out with a bit of ease. Christmas and Valentine’s Day can be annoying for us singles, as we are constantly reminded that we are indeed single! Family members have asked, when are you getting married? You’re smart and good looking why are you still single? No Valentine’s this year? Maybe you are too picky…Yes, yes! Perhaps I am too picky about men I would consider dating, but I think I have every reason and right to be. But my reason and rights for being picky when it comes to dating are not relevant at this time.
I listened to this lady named Abraham Hicks on YouTube, she’s a motivational spiritual speaker, and she said (not verbatim) that sometimes we should go through life looking to want something. She gave a great analogy of when you go to the store or shopping mall, and the sales attendant says, Hi, Can I help you? She said her husband would often respond and say, no we’re just looking for something to want. Abraham went on to say that a lot of times when we go to the store or shopping mall we go with something in mind and we end up leaving with other items we saw and wanted so we purchased it. I think this analogy can be applied to dating, I am open to dating and being in a committed relationship, but right now I am in the stage of looking for something to want. And just like shopping when I see it, I’ll know I want it.
At times we put way too much pressure on receiving precisely what we want that we don’t relax and flow. I’ve tried the lists of what I want in a man and compared it when dating but I’ve realized the relationships I was most happy in, and most in love in were the ones that developed naturally and unforced. I’ve said this before in past articles that I think the key to happiness while being single is to find a healthy balance of getting to know yourself and being open to understanding people of interest as well. If we don’t correctly connect and know ourselves, it will be difficult to know what you want and impossible to look for something you want. So maybe the process for successful dating should be, to know yourself then be open to looking for someone to want. Shana the founder of Toronto Black Singles United group has some tips for single people.
1. Put your best face forward. Meaning ensure your pictures on dating profiles or social media are the best representation of yourself. A potential suitor may be interested in you and may begin to browse your online presence and become turned off before ever getting to know you.
2. Before joining a dating website or group and putting yourself out there as an eligible single, ensure that you have worked out your past relationship and personal issues.
3. Have fun! -Get out of your comfort zone. Date a little older or younger if you can. Don’t have too many rules and try something different. If you have had the same dating style for years and it isn’t working for you dare to permit yourself to switch it up.
4. If you’re single and looking to mingle, be open minded and treat dating as an audition or an interview. Accept that rejection and disappointments are a part of the deal of dating and shouldn’t keep you from trying again.
5. And remember dating is a process. There are several phases, so take your time, get to know the individual you are interested in, go on a few dates before pulling the plug or making any final decisions.
My tip for singles is to take a self-awareness test or a love languages test to know yourself, be aware of your expectations, wants and needs in a relationship. Self-awareness can help you with every relationship in your life, not just romantic ones. No one should know YOU, better than YOU.